All She Ever Wanted Read online

  Josh threw his hands up jokingly. “Ok, I confess. Maryanne called me and said you were having a busy day and hadn’t had lunch yet and wouldn’t it be nice if I brought you lunch?”

  “Ah ha!” Julie exclaimed. “I should have guessed that she was behind this.”

  “Well I also thought maybe I could catch a glance at your nurse friend,” Josh remarked meekly.

  Suddenly, Julie’s heart skipped a beat. Josh and Alex were in the same building. That could potentially be a disaster. How could Maryanne put her in that position? Then, Julie realized she had failed to mention to Maryanne that Josh thought Alex was a woman. Maryanne had simply called Josh to help Julie, not cause trouble.

  “No,” Julie stammered. “That would be a really bad idea, Josh.”

  “Why?” Josh mumbled through a mouthful of fries. Julie unwrapped the burger. “I know you think it’s hot and all but it’s a bad idea and I want to put it behind me. It’s over, Josh,” she declared firmly.

  Josh made a face. “Ok,” he replied. “But the next time you decide to get it on with a hot chick can you please include me?” he chuckled.

  It pained Julie to continue leading him on, especially since his acceptance was disquieting her guilty conscience. But here was not the place for revealing Alex’s gender. She wasn’t sure if anywhere was.

  “Sure,” she answered reluctantly, biting into her burger. Josh happily dipped his fries in the ketchup and began a humorous anecdote about dropping the twins off at camp that morning. Julie half listened, occasionally catching words such as “adorable” and “hilarious”, but not actually hearing what Josh was saying. She was too busy watching him as he spoke.

  Josh really was a handsome man and Julie remembered how she used to listen to him talk for hours when he was fired up about a subject. He became so animated, just like he was now, talking about the girls. He really does a great job with them, Julie recognized. Yes, his fathering skills had some flaws, but hell, she certainly wasn’t going to get “Mother of the Year“. Especially not while jeopardizing their family by sneaking around with another man. She felt a pang of guilt as she watched her husband. He was waving his hands in the air while he spoke, oblivious to Julie’s dilemma and what was actually going on in her head.

  Dear sweet Josh, Julie remarked to herself. He has no idea of how devastating this affair could be if he only knew one small detail.

  Josh’s story ran into another, which Julie was able to follow a little better and interject with an occasional laugh or head nod at appropriate times. As much as she was enjoying his company, she was aware that every second he remained in her office could bring their marriage closer to disaster. She was still trying to figure out how to get Josh out of the hospital, without raising his suspicions, when her desk phone rang urgently.

  “Hold that thought, honey,” Julie said as she grabbed the ringing phone. “Julie Hendricks.”

  The voice on the other line was deep and sexy.

  “Mmmm Julie Hendricks…you taste almost as delicious as those fries smell…” Alex remarked. Julie froze. Where was he that he knew what the fries smelled like? And how did he know there were fries? Was he hiding in the office somewhere? Her eyes darted around the room, knowing it was impossible. She hadn’t been out of the room since he left the floor. Her breathing quickened as she began to panic, feeling as if she was being stalked.

  “Relax…” Alex was saying. “I’m not in the room. I just saw the handsome hubby getting on the elevator with the bag from Two Joe’s and I took a wild guess there were fries in there.”

  “Oh, I see,” Julie replied in a formal voice, ordering herself to remain calm. She needed to sound as if she was discussing hospital business.

  “So, you think you can ditch the hubby and come meet me somewhere? Say, the on call room?” Alex slyly inquired.

  “Ok, nobody actually does that. That only happens on TV,” she barked, forgetting her professional demeanor. Josh looked up sharply. Julie covered the phone with her hand and mouthed the words nursing supervisor. Josh nodded and returned his full attention to his lunch.

  “Ok, ok,” Alex laughed. “I was joking. But I really would like to see you. We didn’t get to finish our earlier conversation. We were interrupted rather rudely.”

  Julie frowned, not appreciating Alex referring to Maryanne as rude. “That won’t be possible today, I’m afraid,” she responded, returning to her supervisor voice.

  Alex sighed loudly on the other end. “I know you think I’m going to try to touch you and kiss you, but I promise, just talking. We can meet somewhere in the open where I will be forced to behave myself. Please?” he begged.

  Julie’s brain raced with a plan. If she told Josh she had a meeting, she could get him out of the building. And if she met Alex in a very public place at the hospital, she could end things without being seduced by his touch.

  “Hmmmm,” she murmured. “Well that does change the situation then. Ok, I will be able to meet with you in twenty minutes. Let me finish up my, um, lunch meeting.” Josh looked up and gave her a frowning face along with a thumbs down sign.

  “Good,” Alex replied. “Coffee shop?”

  “Yes,” Julie answered, “That works.” Hanging up the phone, she addressed a crestfallen Josh. “I’m sorry,” she frowned as she spoke. “Problem with a nurse. I need to take care of the situation ASAP.” She patted his hand almost patronizingly. “You understand, right?”

  Josh reluctantly stood up and threw his trash away. “Of course I do. You have to do your job. It was nice to have lunch with you for a little while anyway.”

  Julie agreed. It had been nice to see him in the middle of the day. This had been a pleasant surprise, one she had thoroughly enjoyed. She hoped there would be more surprises like it in the future. “Don’t worry,” Julie responded. “Once I fix this situation today, there will be many more lunch dates.”

  Josh grinned and waved to Maryanne as he left. “Thanks for the tip!” he called out to her, winking. Maryanne smiled and waved back.

  After the elevator door closed, Julie leaned against the door and groaned. She glared at Maryanne. “Yeah, Maryanne, thanks for the tip,” she grumbled. Maryanne looked confused.

  “Why so sarcastic? I thought you guys could use a little time to reconnect. Sorry,” Maryanne replied defensively

  Julie approached the desk, apologetically. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s just that Alex called my extension while Josh was there and it just got a little hairy.” Julie patted Maryanne’s arm. “Thanks, it was a nice thought.”

  “I don’t understand. I thought you said Josh knew about the affair?” Maryanne asked wearing a puzzled expression.

  “Well, yeah I told him about it, you know, and that it was a nurse from the hospital, so he, um, automatically assumed…” Julie winced and didn’t finish the sentence. Maryanne’s face registered understanding immediately.

  “Oh for goodness sakes, Julie! He thought it was a woman?” Maryanne shouted. “Well no wonder why he was ok with it!”

  Julie made a sour face. “Yeah I know. I knew then if I corrected him he would flip out. I told him half the truth, though,” she responded hopefully.

  Maryanne wagged her finger. “Oh, no my dear, that isn’t going to fly. You have to tell him the whole truth now,” she stated in a commanding tone.

  Despite her better judgment, Julie broached the taboo subject. “Oh, so you told Paul ‘the whole truth’?” she asked, using air quotes.

  Maryanne glared at her friend. “That was a little different. I didn’t lead him to believe one thing when another was the truth,” she reminded Julie in a matter of fact tone. “AND the guilt completely consumed me over the years. I bent over backwards for Paul when I should have met him halfway and ultimately, it destroyed our marriage without him knowing a thing about the affair. It was the way I ended up acting to hide it.” Maryanne took Julie’s hand. “Honesty is always the best policy.”

  Julie squeezed Maryanne’s hand and let go. “
Maybe, but I need to end things for good with Alex first. If I let it go too long, it’ll be much more difficult.”

  Maryanne nodded with approval. “Yes, I agree. It’ll be very painful at first, especially when you have an emotional connection with someone. It may feel as if you’ve lost a part of yourself.” Maryanne sighed, remembering her past. “I cried myself to sleep for almost two years. I couldn’t get him out of my head. I would drive past the shop and spontaneously burst into tears.” She paused and smiled wanly at Julie. “But then eventually, I realized I was missing out on my now. What I had with Jack was in the past. I had memories that nobody could take from me and that is how I moved on. Not knowing what the future was, but what the past had been. When I look back now, it’s amazing what a small amount of time my relationship with Jack actually was, but it colored so much of my future.” Gripping Julie’s hand, she pleaded, “Move on. It’s a fraction of your life. Don’t let it ruin the whole of your life.”

  Julie considered that thought. She could enjoy the memories of Alex, but he was like a vacation. Fun while it lasts, but she couldn’t be on vacation forever. At some point, she needed to pack up and go home.

  Chapter 23

  Approaching the coffee shop from the lobby, Julie imagined how her conversation with Alex would go. They were both reasonable adults, in their work place. If she logically presented him with the undeniable facts of their relationship, he would be understanding and realize that it could not work, as much as they both might like it to. She was doing him a favor by telling him now instead of leading him on and ignoring the futility of their relationship. He was young and good looking with a fantastic personality. He would find a great girl and end up having the family he had dreamed of. Julie just needed him to see as much as they thought that they were so right for each other, it was so wrong. They were victims of being in the right place at the wrong time. There was a girl out there that was right for him, at the right time.

  Entering the café, she could see him at the table farthest from the door. Inhaling deeply, she pushed open the doors with all the confidence she could muster. Alex spotted her as soon as she walked in. Waving her over, he held up a Styrofoam cup she assumed was for her. She waved back at him in acknowledgement and weaved her way through the crowded shop to his table.

  “Hi,” Alex greeted her as she pulled a chair out and sat down. “Got it just the way you like it. Skim milk with two sugars.” Julie smiled appreciatively at him. Hardly anyone ever remembered how she liked her coffee. Even Josh forgot the skim milk and would get whole milk unless he was specifically told. Julie bit her lip. How was she ever going to break ties with this man?

  “Thanks,” Julie replied, taking the cup from him and taking a sip. Yup, perfect. Just like Alex.

  Stop, she commanded her inner self. Do not get distracted from the task at hand. Do not let him charm you.

  Using her technique for speaking to large crowds, she gazed at his forehead, avoiding his bewitching eyes. “Alex, we need to get some things straight. Specifically, about yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, it was an unbelievable experience, one I will never forget. But it was something that shouldn’t have happened.” Alex began to speak, but Julie held her hand up insistently. “Let me finish. I know that we have a great friendship and I feel so connected to you emotionally and spiritually. But as right as we feel together, it’s the wrong time. This isn’t fair to either of us, especially you. You need to find a woman who is completely right for you.” Julie lowered her gaze and looked directly into his eyes. “It’s not me,” she stated firmly.

  “Now wait a minute,” Alex protested. “The only reason that it’s not right is because you’re married right now. You can change that and it’ll be right.” He reached for Julie’s hand, but she retracted it.

  “No, Alex,” Julie replied, shaking her head. “The thing is, I don’t want to change that. Yes, Josh and I have our issues and our marriage is far from perfect. But at the end of the day, we built a life together and we do love each other. We may have lost our way over time, but I think that we can get the love we had back.” She smiled at him approvingly. “I think I have you to thank for that. You helped me realize that I do still love him. The thought that I could lose him actually scares me now, where before I think I just took our marriage for granted.”

  Alex’s expression changed at that revelation. He had previously appeared pleading and upset. Now his face turned stone cold causing Julie to feel a chill run down her spine.

  “Well isn’t that just wonderful for you. You get to have your cake and eat it to. You have a fling, it doesn’t suit you, and then you get to say Oh thank you Alex, you helped me see the error of my way’”, Alex imitated a high pitched female voice. “What about me? I don’t get to say, oh I didn’t appreciate my married life, thanks for setting me straight.”

  Alex stood up, placing his palms on the table, and leaned into Julie’s face. “No I don’t get a choice because my wife is dead.” He paused and stared into her eyes, coldly. “And she’s dead thanks to you.” Julie’s blood ran cold as Alex turned on his heel and stormed out of the café.

  Julie sat, frozen in horror. What did he mean, “thanks to you”? She was sure had not known his wife. Julie rarely socialized outside of work and since his wife had not been a nurse, it would be unlikely that they had met. Although she was a teacher, the girls had not been in school until this year. Samantha could not have taught her daughters.

  Julie was extremely perplexed. She shook her head and dismissed her concerns. Alex was angry at her for breaking off their relationship. She must have heard him incorrectly. It had been a long two days and Julie’s mind had been playing tricks on her. Alex would eventually get over this and move on with his life; she was sure of it.

  Dismayed at the way the conversation had gone, Julie gathered her purse and glanced at her watch. It was after 4:00 and even though she still had plenty of work to do, she was emotionally drained. She hardly got anything done after Alex had knocked on her door earlier in the day. She had been so distracted lately; she was surprised she could do her job at all.

  Since it was Friday, Julie was thrilled that she would be able to have a break from dealing with Alex and hospital issues until Monday. Next week would be a breath of fresh air. It would be a new beginning for her at home and at work. She would get her head back in the game and not be distracted by Alex.

  She exited the building feeling a medley of emotions. While she was saddened by the loss of her friendship with Alex, she was excited at the prospect of her relationship with her husband being rejuvenated. Heading for home, Julie reflected on how bizarre this summer had been. She was definitely glad it would be ending soon and life would be getting back to routine. Ironically, rejection of the routine been the impetuous in her affair with Alex, but now, she welcomed the normal, routine life with open arms.

  Chapter 24

  Monday arrived all too soon. After weeks of looking forward to Mondays, Julie dreaded getting out of bed that particular Monday. During her morning run, she needed to slow her pace several times in order to breathe. The air was heavy and damp. It was barely dawn and the temperatures were already in the 80’s. It was going to be just a miserable day all around.

  Julie entered the hospital doors just shy of 7:00. Swarms of nurses were entering the building at the same time for the start of their shift at 7. Julie felt an air of distain swirling around her, as if the nurses were avoiding her. She had smiled at several that she knew, only to be met with hard faces and tight lipped frowns. On the elevator, she attempted to strike up a conversation with the nurse manager of the ICU and was treated to one word replies. This was definitely unusual, but Julie chalked it up to the oppressive weather and the fact that it was a Monday. That is, until she arrived at her floor.

  Maryanne shot up out of her chair when the elevator chimed, announcing its arrival. She hurried over to Julie and grabbing her by the elbow, dragged her into the nearest supply closet.

  “What ar
e you doing?” Julie loudly demanded, rubbing her arm where Maryanne had clenched it tightly.

  “Shhhhh!” Maryanne hissed. “They’re in your office right now. I wanted to warn you before you went in there.”

  Confused, Julie inquired, “Who? Who is in my office and why?”

  Maryanne had deep frown lines forming and a look of concern. “I wrestled with the idea of calling you about it on Friday,” she replied with dismay. “But I didn’t want to ruin your weekend and honestly I didn’t think they would be here first thing Monday morning…”

  Julie grabbed Maryanne’s arms and shook her slightly. “What are you talking about?” she demanded.

  Maryanne sighed. “Apparently your boy toy has gone to human resources and filed a complaint of sexual harassment. He claims that you allegedly coerced him into a sexual relationship with the promise of a position in the emergency department. The board is here to investigate the claim.”

  Julie was suddenly dizzy. Her legs felt like Jell-O, as if they would collapse. Her chest was tight, her throat constricted, making breathing difficult and painful.

  Maryanne continued to explain that Alex had provided them with cell phone logs as proof, but Julie didn’t hear anything because her mind was racing.

  How could he do something like this to me? Less than a week ago he professed his love for me and now he was claiming harassment? Was it because I told him I couldn’t be with him? That I wouldn’t leave Josh for him?

  Then, Julie felt cold and clammy as she remembered Alex’s last words to her. And she’s dead thanks to you.

  What had he meant by that? Did he believe that I was responsible for his wife’s death? She died three years ago, how could her death possibly be my fault?

  Julie wracked her brain for an explanation, while Maryanne took her arm and led her out of the supply room.

  “Julie,” Maryanne was scolding. “You need to get a grip on yourself and speak to them. I can only hold them off for so long.”