All She Ever Wanted Read online

  ALL SHE EVER WANTED

  Heather Balog

  All She Ever Wanted

  2nd Edition

  Heather Balog

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright 2011, 2014 Heather Balog

  All rights reserved. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Act of

  1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher

  Cover design and Photography by: Anita B. Carroll of Race-Point.com

  ISBN 978-1500702052

  Published 2011, 2014

  Printed in the United States of America

  Chapter 1

  Julie Hendricks yawned as she rose from the bed she shared with her husband of 11 years. She sighed, glancing over at Josh, still snoring away peacefully, even as she started her day at the early hour of 5 am. Julie quickly dressed with the light from her closet, pulling her sports bra and sweat pants on, taking care not to disturb him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tied her running sneakers and adjusted her ipod armband.

  Leaving her bedroom, she stuck her head into her daughters’ room, listening for the sounds of their quiet breathing; assuring her all was right in their worlds. Tip-toeing downstairs she carefully hopped over the creaky floorboards to begin her morning routine.

  As Julie began stretching in her living room which was still bathed in moonlight, she thought about the stillness of the house at this pre-dawn hour. It was her favorite time of day. Her daily five mile run was by far the most solitude she would experience in the next eighteen hours and she always loathed for it to end. Reflecting on this, she grabbed the front door handle and shut the door softly behind her.

  Does that make me a bad person? Julie wondered as she began to jog, her breath fogging in front of her. It was early summer, but still very cool in the mornings. Does it make me a selfish wife and mother because the best part of my day is when I am alone?

  As she rounded the corner by her daughters’ bus stop, she tried to push these unsettling ideas from her mind.

  “No,” she definitively insisted out loud to the empty street. “It does NOT make me selfish to be taking care of my needs and enjoying my few moments of down time. I work damn hard every single day, and this time is my reward.”

  Satisfied with her rationale, Julie picked up her pace to a comfortable speed. Her breath was no longer coming out in foggy puffs; the air was warming up quickly, as was Julie’s body. She quickly entered the downtown area of Huntington. Except for the bakery and the Italian corner deli, all the stores were dark and still. Even the coffee shop had not opened its doors to its adoring public yet this morning. Just A Drop had been opened by a local retired teacher three years prior and had been a favorite gathering place for adults and teens alike ever since. They held open mic nights, poetry readings and hosted several book clubs, including one geared towards preschoolers. Despite its dark store front, Julie could make out a faint light in the back of the shop. Probably an employee getting ready for a busy day of catering to stay at home moms with their sticky, messy toddlers in strollers, she considered sullenly. Jogging by, she envisioned those women leisurely sipping coffee, oblivious to the rushed and hurried world Julie existed in.

  Stop it! Julie admonished herself. You wanted to work. You chose to work. You didn’t think you would feel whole if you didn’t work. Julie reflected bitterly, reminding herself of her argument with Josh almost six prior when it was decided he would put his career on hold to further hers.

  It had been a three day battle. Immediately upon being physically cleared following the birth of the twins Julie had wanted to return back to work as nurse manager of the emergency department. Josh was livid. He had thought it would be prudent for him to work double shifts to allow Julie to stay home with the girls. Josh had been raised in the late 70’s and early 80’s by a mother who stayed home and baked and cleaned all day long. She was always there when he returned home from school with a meal on the table and a syrupy smile. His antiquated vision of a mother included Julie in an apron, wearing a patronizing smile all day.

  Julie had thought it was nonsense. Her visions of motherhood were quite different from Josh’s. She saw herself as an independent woman out in the world, making a difference and still capable of being there for her kids when the work day was over. Her mother had worked during her early years and she had turned out just fine. If Josh wanted their children to have a parent at home for them, there was no reason it could not be him. She couldn’t fathom why they would even consider struggling financially in order for her to stay home and take care of the children all day when she made more than twice as much as Josh did. Julie didn’t think Josh was one of those men whose machismo depended on being the breadwinner, so she wasn’t sure what the issue was.

  Besides, she needed to keep her mind busy and active. Interacting with others was something Julie enjoyed. She was also sure she would go mad cooped up with two babies all day. Going back to work offered her freedom, both financial and personal. So why in heaven’s name was she feeling a twinge of jealousy for mothers who were staying home with their kids all day? Geez Julie, she chastised herself. What is wrong with you today? Thank God no one can hear what you say to yourself or people would suspect you’re unhappy with your life.

  The truth was, Julie appreciated of her life most of the time. Busy, yes; overwhelmed, most of the time. However, for the most part, she knew she led an envious life. Two adorable and precocious six year olds and a loving stay at home hubby. What was not to love?

  Julie and Josh had met in college, when she was studying to be a nurse. He was pre-med in his junior year when the untimely death of both his parents in a car accident had forced him to drop out and begin working full time as a paramedic. He had always meant to go back and finish what he started, but for Josh, motivation was usually lost once life got in the way. He had been a good student, but studying and walking the straight and narrow line had never been his forte. Quickly, he became complacent in the working world, spending the nights drinking with his friends from college. While they had to get up the next morning for exams and classes, his life only consisted of his job and partying. For him, life was easier simply getting up and going to work, rather than working to make ends meet and struggling through college. He had a habit of partying a little too hard, and it was actually his partying ways that had led him to his future wife.

  Josh had been drinking with two of his college friends when they decided alcohol wasn’t exciting enough for them. They wanted to try something with a little more kick, LSD. His one friend, Dave, had a bad reaction and scaled the side of a co-ed dorm on campus using the window ledges. The invincible Dave stopped on the third floor and stood on the window ledge. This just happened to be Julie’s dorm window. Julie, the ever serious student, was burning the midnight oil studying for exams. She heard the commotion outside her window and stuck her head out to see what the ruckus was about. Once she realized the situation, level headed Julie called the emergency services that were eventually able to stop the friend from climbing any higher or jumping.

  Julie spent the rest of the night calming down panic stricken and paranoid Josh. He was instantly smitten with the pretty and smart college junior. She listened to his delusions and gave him a shoulder to cry on. The story of his parents’ death had resonated with Julie and she felt a strong connection with him. She not only nursed him back to sobriety that particular night, but her
affection helped keep him on a more responsible path in the future. They became inseparable from that point on.

  Now fifteen years later, they lived in a desirable neighborhood with low crime rates, where neighbors stopped by to borrow a cup of sugar. Even her job was a dream come true. She had a six figure salary as the director of nursing at the area’s largest metropolitan hospital. As director, she was in charge of all the nursing supervisors from various departments throughout the hospital. In addition she was the person who would oversee all nursing aspects of the hospital from hiring to providing in-services to dealing with legalities. It was a fast paced, high stress and high profile job, but all in all, it had been a rewarding career. She had been ecstatic to be offered such a prestigious position at the tender age of 33.

  Of course, sacrifices had been made to get there. Despite Josh’s opposition, she had returned to her job as nurse manager of the Emergency Department when her daughters were only six weeks old and had worked her way up the career ladder without pause since then. But the disadvantages paled in comparison to the advantages her job afforded her family. With all their student loans paid off, they were able to move out of their cramped two bedroom apartment and into their palatial gated community with manicured lawns. The girls were able to attend an esteemed private school, take piano lessons and dance lessons without breaking the bank, and their colleges were on their way to being funded handsomely.

  So why am I beating myself up today? Julie wondered as she inserted her house key into the lock of her front door. It was not unusual for her to spend her morning run reflecting on the previous day’s events or organizing the million things she needed to do in the upcoming day. But this dawn’s pondering session had been, quite frankly, more than Julie cared to handle before the sun had risen.

  Fortunately for Julie, she did not have too long to wonder anything more as the door swung open in her grasp. She steadied herself in the door frame as she was greeted by an onslaught of shrieking and yelling.

  “Mommy! Molly won’t let me watch Livia! I love Livia! It’s my favorite show! She got to watch her show yesterday and……” Kaylee’s rant was interspersed with an equally shrill and protesting voice from Molly.

  “I was up FIRST!” she shrieked, “Kaylee came in and changed the channel and….” Julie turned up the volume her ipod and left her daughters yelling at each other in the front hallway. She stuck her head into the kitchen, hoping to see Josh fixing the girls cereal and juice, but instead was greeted by a half gallon of milk tipped over on the counter dripping on to a Cheerios covered floor. Julie groaned as she stepped over the cereal, taking care not to crunch it beneath her sneakers.

  “Josh!” she shouted as she righted the carton of milk. Starting toward the set of stairs off the kitchen, she continued calling her husband. “Josh? Where are you?” She peaked into the office where she often found her husband on the computer. The room was dark and no Josh in sight. She realized with dismay that either her children had bound and gagged their father, or, the more likely scenario, he was still in bed.

  Julie headed toward the bedroom, pulling her sweat soaked shirt over her head. Forgetting her ipod was still attached to its arm band, she quickly became tangled. Frustrated, she wrestled with her sleeve until she had freed herself from both her shirt and her ipod. Taking a sweeping glance at her surroundings, she quickly located her missing husband, still curled up under the duvet.

  “Josh!” Julie growled while shaking him. “Josh! I have exactly……” She glanced at the bedside alarm clock. “Crap, forty seven minutes to shower, get dressed and get to the job that pays for the bed you are still lounging in. A little help, please? The girls are wreaking havoc downstairs.”

  Josh rolled over and opened his eyes, blinking at Julie blankly, “Huh?”

  Julie shook her head and continued to pull her sticky shorts off while hopping toward the bathroom in the master bedroom. She turned on the shower while continuing to disrobe. “Never mind,” she grumbled, sticking her head out the bathroom door. “Just keep an ear out for them while I’m in the shower, ok? Make sure they don’t burn the house down or pull each other’s hair out.”

  Julie stepped into the steamy water and tilted her head back under the soothing stream. The warmth hit her tense muscles and began to loosen them while the water ran over her body. She closed her eyes and began to massage her scalp with her salon-bought shampoo. As the suds poured down the drain, she felt herself begin to relax. The ride on her path to relaxation came screeching to a halt as she sensed a shadow darkening the glass shower door.

  “Jesus, Josh!” Julie yelped with a shock, her eyes snapping open. “You scared me!” She quickly finished rinsing the shampoo from her hair, turned off the faucet and slid open the shower door.

  Josh handed her a sage green Egyptian cotton towel as she stepped out. “Sorry,” he apologized with a scowl while Julie wrapped the towel around her body and stepped over to the mirror to inspect her eyebrows that were in dire need of waxing. “I didn’t realize it was still Julie alone time. I thought you had enough of that already today.”

  Julie spun around abruptly. “Ex…cuse me?” she remarked raising a fuzzy eyebrow.

  Josh folded his arms across his chest defiantly. “You heard me. If you were around in the morning, the girls wouldn’t wake up this early to begin with and they certainly wouldn’t be making a mess at 5:30. They bolt out of bed when they hear you leave.”

  Julie stared at her husband standing in front of her with his striped flannel pajamas and tousled, thinning hair. She opened her mouth as if to shoot back a reply, and then quickly closed it, turning to dig her makeup bag out of the vanity drawer. She began to apply her eyeliner as carefully as possible, keeping an eye on Josh’s reflection in the mirror. He was staring at her, daring her to respond.

  “What?” she snapped at him, continuing her makeup routine. Josh leaned against the open door between the bedroom and bathroom.

  “Oh, nothing,” he replied with a grin. “I’m just waiting for you to give me the list of nine thousand reasons why I am wrong and how everything is actually my fault.”

  Julie seethed with fury inside, realizing how right he was. That’s how the arguments usually went. Well, not today. Today she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of being right.

  She threw her eyeliner back into the makeup bag and brushed past Josh. Returning to the bedroom, she pulled her closet door open briskly, nearly severing it from its hinges. “Screw you, Josh,” she countered simply while yanking a skirt off its hanger. She pushed several hangers full of clothing out of her way, searching for a matching blouse. Finding what she was looking for, she yanked it, too, off its hanger.

  Josh plopped down on the edge of the bed as Julie pulled open her underwear drawer. “No seriously, Julie. Every morning it’s the same thing. You’ve got a laundry list of complaints before my feet even hit the floor. You’ve gotten your time to yourself. It’s all about you. It doesn’t matter to you what gets knocked over in your wake, as long as you get what you want.”

  Julie glanced up from rummaging through her drawers and her eyes stabbed him with an icy stare. She began to dress, continuing to glower at her unreasonable husband. “I have to get up at 5:00 in the DAMN morning so I can have a few moments of peace and quiet in my day. I don’t get the three hours of relaxation while the girls are in kindergarten each morning or the hour of quiet in the afternoon while they nap. No, I get my peace and quiet while you are still sleeping anyway,” she mumbled through gritted teeth. She grabbed her favorite pair of Jimmy Choos from her closet shoe rack and shook it in her husband’s direction. “All I ask is that you do your so called job and take care of the girls while I get ready for mine.” Slipping the heel onto her foot, she turned to retrieve its mate. “I am done with this conversation, Joshua Edward Hendricks,” Julie stated while trying to control her anger. With that, she yanked her blow dryer out of its drawer, plugged it in and began to dry her sandy blonde hair.

  J
osh rose from the bed and with a wink, admonished his wife, “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? I knew you would tell me all the reasons I was wrong.” He left the bedroom, the sound of his laughter following him.

  With her lips pursed angrily, Julie held the blow dryer over her head as she inspected herself in the mirror. Infuriating man, she mused. He actually thinks it’s a joke. He gets to rile me up, get me all worked up, and then laughs, going about his merry way.

  As she finished drying her locks, Julie glanced at the alarm clock again. It was 6:48. She had 12 minutes to make the 10 minute commute to work. Grabbing her watch from her dresser, she began to hastily fasten it on her wrist as she rushed downstairs.

  In the living room, Julie found Kaylee sitting cross legged on the coffee table in a tutu, eating an overflowing bowl of Fruit-Os.

  “Um, Lee Lee? What happened to the yummy Cheerios Mommy bought for you?”

  Kaylee cocked her head and shrugged. “Don’t know. Daddy gave me these. They taste way yummier anyway.” With that, she returned her attention back to her overly colorful cheery children’s show.

  Julie sighed and grabbed her attaché case filled with paperwork from the foyer closet. “Ok, where is your sister?” she asked, planting a kiss on her daughter’s head.

  “I think she’s putting her makeup on,” Kaylee mumbled through bites of cereal, without even looking away from the TV.

  “I don’t even want to know,” Julie muttered to herself, hurrying across the hall to the dining room where Josh was sitting with his morning paper and coffee. He didn’t even glance up as she walked in, but he handed her a travel mug full of coffee.

  “Is this a peace offering?” Julie asked, quickly kissing his cheek goodbye. Josh chuckled and shook his head.

  “Nope, just your dutiful husband doing his job,” he replied, emphasizing the word job with a smirk. Julie accepted the mug anyway and headed out of the room.