All She Ever Wanted Read online

  Julie tilted her head back towards the heavens and stared upwards, contemplating whether or not Josh was looking down on her. She found it impossible to believe. Julie felt as if she had lost whatever faith she had once possessed after the incident in the woods. Trembling, she poured herself another glass as the memory of that evening flooding back to her. *******************************************

  Holding hands, they had approached Josh’s car. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone. “Let me call the babysitter and let her know we’re on the way home,” he had said as he politely held the door open for Julie. Smiling, she had gotten in. She was buckling her seatbelt and waiting for Josh to get in on the driver’s side when Julie had heard a crack. Josh had disappeared from view, but as she twisted her head toward the source of the noise, she could see blood splattered against the back window. Julie had screamed, unsure what had happened. She jumped out of the car, searching for Josh.

  “Josh!” Julie screamed with uncertainty in her voice. He didn’t answer her. Julie’s eyes scanned the scene frantically. Finding Josh face down behind the car, she panicked. All she could see was blood oozing from the back of her husband’s head.

  Screaming, Julie desperately searched the darkening surroundings but could see no one. She smelled the bitter odor of gunpowder and was convinced Josh had been shot. Shaking, she tried to calm herself, knowing she needed to take control and help her husband. Ripping her shirt off, she used it to apply pressure to the back of his head and patted the ground desperately searching for Josh’s cell phone which had fallen from his hand.

  Hand trembling, she dialed 911 and hysterically shouted at the operator to send help immediately, unable to control her anxiety. The operator attempted to ascertain Julie’s location, but Julie could not coherently explain where she was. It was dark; she was confused about how far she had walked through the wooded area. She was uncertain how far up the road Josh’s car had been parked. Julie panicked and that panic delayed the arrival of the paramedics who had actually only been about 400 feet away at the time. They could have walked to the scene in less than a minute.

  “If only I had been able to get help, explain where I was…” she groaned out loud. She tortured herself like this every time she had the dream. Played the “if only” game. If only she hadn’t gone to talk to Alex, if only she hadn’t jumped out and had just driven Josh to his car, if only they had gotten to his car a minute earlier…if only, if only. It ultimately boiled down to the original “if only”. If only she had not had an affair with Alex.

  Help didn’t come for what felt like hours. It was actually 5 minutes, but it had been too late to save Josh. As she cradled his bleeding head in her lap, shouting at him to hold on, she swore she heard Alex’s voice from the woods. “That’s what it feels like. Now you know for sure.”

  By the time the police had been dispatched to her location, if Alex had been there, he was long gone. Searching the area, the detectives located the gun which had been used to fatally shoot Josh. The prints on the gun matched up to Alex, who turned out to have a record. He had been found guilty of manslaughter twelve years prior. He only served two years of his sentence before being paroled.

  After explaining to the police that Alex was out for revenge of his wife’s death, new evidence surfaced confirming that Alex and his brother in law Kevin had been responsible for the death of Dr. Ozar. Kevin, under pressure from the police investigating his brother in law, had confessed to his part in the murder. Alex had slipped the crushed up sleeping pill in the doctor’s coffee when he had brought a patient into the ER that evening and his brother in law had tampered with his brakes to ensure an accident would ensue. Kevin was convicted of 2nd degree murder later in that year, but Alex had still not been found. He had disappeared almost into thin air.

  Julie was petrified that Alex’s revenge plot would not end with murdering Josh. Fearing for the safety of her children, she unceremoniously uprooted the girls and moved them to peaceful, Oregon. Hoping to put Alex and the past behind her, they moved into a townhouse in a quiet residential neighborhood. She began a job there as a nurse in the ER, a job she once loved, but now, it was hard to find any joy in her daily life. The girls, traumatized by the untimely death of their father, were in counseling, but were having trouble coming to grips with so many sudden changes in their lives.

  Molly was acting out in school, becoming a bully and picking fights. Her once perfect grades were slipping drastically. She was becoming a C student at best, refusing to do homework and often giving Julie a hard time about attending school.

  Kaylee was much more subtle with her defiance, but Julie knew the teen years would be hell with her pretty and popular daughter. Kaylee, at 10 years old, was wearing makeup to school and Julie had been called on more than one occasion to bring her daughter a more suitable outfit than the one Kaylee hid under her coat.

  Fearing Alex would be able to locate them through friends and acquaintances, Julie had to sever ties with everyone she had been friendly with in Michigan, including Maryanne. It broke her heart to be unable to speak with her dearest friend. The last she had heard, Maryanne had reconnected with Jack who was living in an assisted living facility. He was able to communicate with her via computer, but his speech was garbled and he had difficulty forming words. Maryanne still continued working for the new director of nursing and visited with Jack whenever possible, but her life was nothing like the blissful one Julie imagined in her dreams. Nobody’s had been, least of all Josh’s. Julie felt empty and alone without the man she regarded as her soul mate. She had not only thrown away his love, she had thrown away his life.

  Julie shivered in the cool September night air. She knew Alex was out there somewhere. He had gotten his revenge. Her life was in shambles, career ruined, family destroyed. She was now a single mom raising her girls on a floor nurse’s salary and Josh’s life insurance policy. Alex had succeeded in ruining everything that had given her happiness, but would that be enough for him? Would he come back to destroy more?

  Julie did not know and it was the unknown that scared her the most. Each day, she lived in fear, glancing around corners wherever she went, checking the backseat of her car for unwanted passengers. Once, she had dropped her wallet in the store and a kindly elderly gentleman had tapped her on the shoulder to return it to her. She had nearly punched the poor man in the face, fearing it was Alex behind her. After apologizing profusely for startling her, the gentleman left, but not before Julie followed him to assure he was not with Alex. Her mind began to play tricks on her. She saw Alex in every store, every restaurant, every gas station. She would hear a laugh that sounded like his and end up trembling for hours. Her life had become a virtual nightmare, rendering her unreasonable and difficult to be around. She had run away from Alex, but he still was able to haunt her mind.

  Julie shuddered once more as she poured herself another glass of whisky.