All She Ever Wanted Read online

  Suddenly, Julie had a sickening feeling wash over her. She remembered this girl, this patient who had died in the parking lot that night. She anxiously shuffled through the chart, searching for the previous admission.

  She found it and just as she had suspected, at the top was the same date. February 18, 2008, 3:08 pm. Hurriedly, she skimmed the notes.

  Patient had driven herself to the ER after work. She presented with a migraine headache and blurred vision. Patient had recently finished series of fertility medications with side effects that included headaches and blurred vision and had undergone insemination 3 days prior. She was also taking heparin because she had a history of miscarriages and it had been determined the miscarriages were caused by a blood clotting problem. The on call doctor had quickly examined her and determined the cause of her headaches were the medications. He advised her take a Tylenol and sent her on her way.

  “Oh, no,” Julie groaned as her eyes fell to the bottom of the discharge page. Samantha Peyton signed the discharge orders at 5:52 pm. And underneath Samantha’s name was Julie’s signature. She had given this patient, who died in the parking lot shortly afterwards, her discharge orders. Discharge order that Samantha Peyton had taken to her car with her.

  Julie continued to shuffle through the chart until she found a copy of the autopsy report. Reading through, it was obvious to see what had gone wrong. Samantha Peyton had died from a brain aneurysm. That was the reason for her severe headache. The fact that she was on heparin probably was a factor in the leaking of the aneurysm. The ER doctor, according to the notes, had not ordered a CT scan or MRI and had just assumed the headache was from the medication. He had discharged her without following all the protocol, probably due to the fact that they were so backed up from the bus accident and short staffed. Julie’s eyes fell on the doctor’s signature, causing her to gasp.

  Julie was white as a sheet when Maryanne glanced up from her reading, startled at Julie’s complexion.

  “What?” she inquired anxiously. She took the page Julie was reading, scanning it for answers. Not understanding the whole story that Julie had been piecing together, Maryanne looked up puzzled.

  “She was admitted with a headache and blurry vision. She was on fertility meds which can cause those side effects. She was also on Heparin to thin her blood.” Julie explained in a shaky voice.

  Maryanne nodded, understanding the scenario thus far. “The ER was jam packed that afternoon. We were also short staffed. Apparently the doctor did not explore all avenues before discharging her,” Julie inhaled deeply before finishing. “She apparently died of a brain aneurysm in the parking lot after her discharge.” Maryanne clasped her hand to her mouth as she gasped. “I was her discharging nurse. And Dr. Ozar was the discharging physician.”

  Maryanne’s eyes grew wide as she shook her head. “Oh, no, that’s impossible.” Julie bit her lip. She was now visibly shaking. “I wish to God it wasn’t true, but look,” she shoved the page with the doctor’s name at Maryanne. “It’s here in black and white.”

  Maryanne saw where Julie was pointing and her face fell. “Julie, you have to go to the police. We’re obviously dealing with a psycho here,” she advised urgently.

  Dr. Ozar, an ER attending, had been the victim of an unfortunate accident the previous summer. He had just finished an overnight shift and was driving home when he fell asleep at the wheel. He drove off the Overton Bridge and drowned.

  When the car and body had been recovered, the police found that the brakes had been tampered with. The autopsy revealed a large amount of valium in his blood stream. Unfortunately, there were no witnesses to any foul play. No suspect was ever taken into custody and it had been ruled a suicide. He had recently gotten divorce and lost custody of his children, so many people accepted the suicide verdict without question

  Julie and Maryanne stared at each other, both concluding in their minds that Alex must have been responsible for Dr. Ozar’s death. Julie, who was already on edge, wiped her sweaty palms on her pants. If Alex would go as far to murder the doctor who discharged his wife, she was sure he wouldn’t hesitate to ruin her career or worse. Julie leaned forward and dropped her head into her hands.

  “I can’t believe what a fool I was,” she moaned. Maryanne didn’t respond but simply rubbed Julie’s back sympathetically. She suddenly bolted upright.

  “Oh sweet Lord,” she exclaimed. “Josh is still under the impression that Alex is a woman! I have to tell him the truth before this gets out.”

  Maryanne grimaced and tried to conceal her “I told you so” face. “Well,” she replied. “It’s probably best you do it now. As soon as possible. If Alex is as psychotic as it sounds, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t making a house call to Josh right now.”

  Julie gasped. Alex knew where she lived. He knew a lot of intimate details about her that were going to bite her in the ass now. Jumping up, she gathered all the papers that were scattered on the table.

  “You’re absolutely right, Maryanne,” she said while shoving the papers into the folder. “I’ve got to go,” she announced, waving her hand in the air. “If Alex gets to Josh, not only will my job not even matter, my life won’t matter.”

  Julie handed a confused Debbie the folder, grabbed her purse out of the cubby and bolted out the door. As she headed down the long corridor, she fished through her purse for her car keys. Even if Alex did not show up at her house, she needed to confess to Josh now. He would find out soon enough when Julie contacted their lawyer. There was no way she could hide the truth from him any longer.

  Chapter 25

  Racing home, Julie reflected on how she would love to turn the clock back two months and change the whole outcome of this situation. She would have never even spoken to Alex to begin with. Would have been kind of hard, Julie, she reminded herself. He was very insistent on meeting you. Almost stalked you.

  Stopping for a red light, she banged her fist on the steering wheel with anger. How could she be so stupid? She never dropped her guard with anybody, and looking back now, all of Alex’s behavior had been suspicious from the get go. Taken in by his charm, she was overwhelmed by the fact that he had found her attractive, interesting. “Well, he didn’t really,” she considered bitterly as she turned on to her street. “Turns out, it was all just an act.”

  She passed Lori and Don’s gorgeous home on the corner. Lori was out front, kneeling in front of a large flower bed. Julie sighed. She looked so peaceful, unworried, unhurried. Julie wished she could feel that way. Trying to recall a point in her life she had not been in a constant state of worry or anxiety, she realized no such time existed in her memory.

  She pulled into the driveway and thankfully, only Josh’s car was parked there. Hopefully Alex had not already paid a visit. She climbed out of the SUV and slammed the car door. Staring at the monstrous house looming in front of her, she realized this was going to be an overwhelming task. To make matters worse, she had no idea how she was going to approach it.

  Ascending the front steps, she held on to the rail for support. She unlocked the front door with quivering hands and was greeted by a surprised Josh coming down the steps.

  “Julie?” he asked with a puzzled expression. “I thought I heard a noise, but I didn’t think it was you. It’s,” he glanced at his watch, “11:00. Are you ok?”

  Julie stared at this man that she had married eleven years ago, a lump forming in her throat. How had she ever done such a horrible thing to him? She betrayed his trust and doubted his loyalty at the same time. I don’t deserve him, Julie concluded silently, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

  Josh, concerned now, rushed to Julie and held her. “What? What’s wrong? What happened, Julie? Are the kids ok? Talk to me,” he ordered, with fear in his voice. He never saw his wife cry or even get choked up. Her emotions tended to run the gamut from cheerful to angry with no time for sadness in between.

  With Josh’s concerned embrace, Julie lost control. Tears streamed down her face and cr
ies emerged from the depths of her soul Josh led her to the living room couch and sat her down. He knelt in front of his sobbing wife and took her hands.

  “Please talk to me Julie, I’ve never seen you like this,” he pleaded. Julie looked up at him and through her tears could see the face of a man who truly cared for her. Maybe their life had become mundane, repetitive and even boring at times. But this was a man who would never do anything to hurt her on purpose. Yet, here she was, going to break his heart.

  “Josh,” she started, wiping tears from her cheeks. “I need to tell you something. Something very important and I know it’s going to upset you. And the last thing in the world I want to do is upset you…” she sniffled reaching for a tissue on the coffee table.

  “Is it your job?” he asked, moving to the seat on the couch next to her.

  Julie nodded. “Partially. It affects my job but it’s worse than that.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, silently praying for the strength to continue. She could feel Josh’s warm hands, gripping hers tighter. When she had started this affair with Alex, Josh had been the farthest thing from her mind and now, at this moment, he was the only thing on her mind.

  “Remember how I told you about the nurse that, um, I was fooling around with?” she asked without meeting his eyes.

  “Yeah?” Josh replied with questioning in his voice.

  Julie lifted her head. “Well, I wasn’t completely honest about the whole thing,” she whispered.

  Josh raised his eyebrow. “In what respect?” he inquired suspiciously.

  Julie gathered courage and looked him in the eye. “It wasn’t a woman, Josh. It was a man. His name is Alex. Alex Peyton.”

  Josh dropped Julie’s hand and stared at her. “What? You lied to me?” he shouted in disbelief.

  “Well, it was more of an omission of the truth,” Julie pointed out. “You had made an assumption when I was confessing and I didn’t correct you.” Julie forced a hopeful smile.

  When Josh didn’t respond, Julie continued. “After I began my confession that night, I realized it might be a mistake to tell you. After all, the affair was over and I realized if you knew the whole truth, it would hurt you too much.” Julie touched his arm. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Josh.”

  Josh looked down at Julie’s hand on his arm with disgust. “Why are you telling me this now, then?” he asked with a detached tone of voice.

  Julie grimaced and pulled her hand away. “He’s filed a complaint with the hospital. He claims I coerced him into sleeping with him in exchange for a nursing position in the ER. Basically, sexual harassment. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Apparently, he has a vendetta against me.”

  Josh stared right through Julie and over her left shoulder, out the window. If he had heard her, he didn’t indicate it. Instead he appeared as if in a trance.

  “What an idiot I am,” he mumbled. “Being faithful, saying, ‘No, I’m married, I love my wife’. Throwing my chance for fun away because of the stupid loyal fool I am.”

  Julie stared at him. Was he serious? She turned her head to follow his gaze out the window. Sure enough, there was Lori, still working in her garden, bare shoulders bronzing in the sun. Julie was confessing, her world was falling apart and Josh was staring out the window at the attractive neighbor wishing he had not been faithful and seduced her instead? Julie couldn’t believe this was the same man whose heart she did not want to break less than five minutes prior. Right now, her desire was to smack him.

  “Josh!” she snapped. “Are you even listening to me? This is a huge problem. I could lose my job and basically be black listed.”

  Josh broke his gaze from the window and focused on Julie. “Seems to be a bit of trouble you got yourself into there, Julie,” he responded, flatly.

  Julie sighed exasperatedly. “Yes, yes, I understand your anger, Josh, I really do. But I need your help. I don’t know what to do,” she pleaded, reaching for his arm.

  Josh recoiled from her grasp. “At the risk of sounding cliché, you got yourself into this mess, get yourself out.” He stood up and walked over to the front door.

  Julie stared after him in disbelief. “What are you going to do?”

  Josh, with his hand on the door knob, replied without turning around. “Something I should have done weeks ago, but I was a jerk who thought our wedding vows meant something.” He opened the door and stepped out. Julie rushed after him. She stood in the doorway, watching him till he reached the sidewalk.

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right, Josh!” she reminded him.

  Josh turned to completely face his distraught wife. “Yeah, I know,” he replied. “But this wrong is sure going to feel right.” He continued down the sidewalk to Lori’s front yard where she was kneeling in the dirt.

  Julie stood in the doorway, horrified. She couldn’t watch her husband with another woman, but she couldn’t turn away. She saw Josh amble up Lori’s sidewalk, calling her name. Lori turned and waved, inviting him over to where she was working. Josh knelt down in the dirt and began talking animatedly to Lori, who began laughing and smiling at his story.

  Julie didn’t know what they were saying, nor did she need to. Her husband was determined to cheat on her with the voluptuous neighbor and there was not a thing she could say or do to stop him. Distraught, she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

  Leaning against the door, tears began flooding her eyes. She felt like she had been one emotional wreck for the last week. Over twenty years of not crying was built up and coming back to haunt her. She had once thought that by not crying, it proved she was a strong person, who preserved through challenges.

  “The truth is, I’m a fake, a phony,” Julie remarked out loud to the empty hallway. “I pretend to be in control and so put together, when the reality is, I’m a mess inside.” She slid down to the floor, cradling her head in her hands. She not only was a mess inside, she had made a mess of her life outside, too. And she had no idea how she was going to repair the damage.

  Chapter 26

  Knowing she wouldn’t be able to face Josh when he returned from Lori’s house, Julie grabbed her keys off the credenza and left the house. Despite her best efforts not to, she glanced over at the front lawn of the blue Victorian where she had watched Josh interacting with the neighbor minutes before. The lawn was empty with gardening tools lying in the dirt. A disconcerting image of Josh ripping Lori’s dirt smudged clothes off and kissing her suntanned body ran through Julie’s mind.

  Desperate to reject that thought, Julie shook her head violently as she climbed into her SUV and backed out of the driveway. Let him have her. I lost him anyway. He might as well be happy since I was the one who destroyed him. I have no right to be angry with him, she reminded herself.

  “But it still hurts,” she whispered. “I can’t make it not hurt.”

  Julie drove back to the hospital, not sure why, since she had no business back there. A disheveled wreck and an emotional time bomb, she sat in her parking space, car running with her hands crossed on top of the wheel. Her thoughts were irrationally racing through her head without logic.

  She needed to find Alex. She wanted to look him dead in his blue eyes and ask him, Why? Why had he hurt her, why had he caused her world to fall apart? As tears began to well up in her eyes, she stuck her hand in her mouth and bit her fist. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs to release the pent up frustration.

  Julie felt she already knew the answer to her questions. Alex had wounded her because three years ago, he must have felt exactly how she did at this moment. Helpless, with his world crashing down around him. And he probably didn’t have a clue what to do next either. So, he planned revenge.

  He had made his quest for her so authentic, so believable, Julie, who normally trusted no one, was naïvely trapped in his plot. That is what Julie could not understand. How had he made her feel so loved, so important, if he secretly detested her? How could he kiss her, make love to her so fervently, if he
didn’t truly feel that passion for her?

  Determined to find out the answer, Julie shut the car off and climbed out, slamming the door behind her. She stormed through the front door, tossing Clyde a wave as she headed toward the stairs. She climbed the three flights of stairs until she reached the floor where Alex worked. Forcefully, she swung open the door into the landing.

  Nurses, who were walking past, turned in alarm and stared. Two of them huddled together and began to whisper. Julie was sure word had gotten around about her predicament and the nurses were enjoying a little bit of gossip at her expense. While the hospital was a busy and usually professional place, many staff members enjoyed the drama to add to the excitement of their sometimes depressing jobs.

  Holding her head high to create the appearance of being unaffected by the stares, Julie marched to the Ortho nurse’s station on the right.

  The desk clerk look up, startled to see Julie. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Hendricks,” she replied nervously. “Can I help you with something?”

  Julie placed her palms on the desk and leaned forward. “Yes,” she responded firmly. “You can let Alex Peyton know I am here to speak with him.” The clerk’s face fell, unsure how to respond to the situation.

  “Um, he’s um, not here, but I’m not sure…” her voice trailed off and then an idea came to her. “I’ll get my supervisor!” she chirped, jumping up out of her chair and rushing to the back office.

  Julie waited, still leaning against the counter. She was aware of the eyes boring through her and the whispers from all sides. She knew this gossip was too juicy for the staff to resist. Julie was sure even the most demure nurses were discussing it. It was fine. She didn’t care what people thought. All she cared about was confronting Alex and figuring out how to fix this debacle.

  After several minutes, the nurse manager, Gina Bates, came scurrying out of her office, followed by the clerk, who was anxiously gnawing on her cuticles.