All She Ever Wanted Page 12

  Returning her pace to a slow jog and rounding the corner to her block, she silently prayed Josh or the girls were not awake. She didn’t want to have to explain her tear streaked face to them. Although she could make up a plausible excuse for the girls, Josh would know something had been amiss.

  Carefully unlocking the front door while trying not to make a sound, Julie stepped into the front foyer and stood still, listening. Silence. Satisfied, she crept up the stairs, avoiding the loose floorboards at the top. In her mission to not step on them, however, she accidentally stepped on a stray Patty Packet doll. Julie heard the crunch underneath her sneaker and winced. She paused and listened once more. Still silence. Relieved she had not woken any of her family members; she bent down and swept the broken toy into the palm of her hand. Entering her bedroom, she stopped and dumped the broken pieces into the wastebasket. The girls probably would never even know it was missing. They had hundreds of itsy bitsy toys she that despised; she was systematically getting rid of them a little at a time.

  Kicking off her sneakers, Julie peaked over at the king sized bed she shared with Josh. Seeing his slumbering outline in the early morning light, she was convinced he was fast asleep. Julie ducked into the bathroom. After she turned on the shower to warm up and disrobed, she examined her puffy eyes and Rudolf like nose in the vanity mirror. Grabbing a tissue, she blew her runny nose as softly as she could. The acoustics in the bathroom, however, caused the sound to echo throughout loudly. She heard Josh shifting in bed in the next room.

  Quickly, Julie jumped into the shower, hoping to avoid facing him if he had awoken. No sooner had she closed the shower door when Josh padded into the bathroom, yawning and rubbing his sleepy eyes.

  Why doesn’t he ever jump out of bed that fast when I need him to get up? Julie pondered while scrubbing her face as if the blotchiness would dissolve that way. Just then, the shower door swung open and a stark naked Josh stepped in. Julie, whose face was immersed under the shower stream, spun around, startled.

  “What are you doing?” she yelped, crossing her arms to cover her chest. Josh took her arms and lowered them before speaking.

  “I’m your husband, Julie. Remember I’ve seen those before,” Josh teased. “Last night in fact….” he trailed off as he noticed her red puffy eyelids. “What happened to you?” he asked with concern.

  Julie grabbed the shampoo bottle as she replied, “Bad allergy day. Pollen count must be high.” She congratulated herself for her quick thinking.

  “Oh,” Josh responded, reaching to take the shampoo from Julie. “You look awful. I thought you got beat up or something.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Julie snorted as she held on tightly to the bottle. “This is $22 a bottle,” she said sweetly. “Use the other shampoo that I bought for you, please.”

  Normally, Josh would have a snarky comment like, “I’m not worthy of expensive shampoo?”, but today his focus was elsewhere. He grabbed Julie’s slick body and pulled her towards him. “I meant, if you’re not feeling well, maybe you should take the day off and stay home in bed. I can nurse you back to health,” he remarked, grinning slyly and holding her body tight.

  Julie squirmed out of his grasp. The last thing she wanted to do is spend all day reliving the previous night.

  “Sorry, I’ve got a very important meeting today,” she replied curtly. “Some other time maybe.” Josh’s grin fell into a frown.

  “Oh,” he responded in a wounded tone. “So sorry. I thought you enjoyed last night.”

  Julie considered her reply as carefully as possible to avoid offending him even more than she had already. “I did,” she confirmed, patting him on the arm. “I’m just really tired. I didn’t get enough sleep and the allergies are kicking my butt. I’m sorry.”

  Josh made an annoyed face, but seemed to accept Julie’s explanation. He wordlessly stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and left the room. Julie finished washing up and turned the shower off. She stood in the tub, dripping wet for several minutes, before exiting the shower.

  Regardless of what had happened with Alex yesterday or what had happened with Josh last night, rehashing it wasn’t going to help her solve her problem of what to do today. Today, she needed to move forward. How could she let Alex down without offending or upsetting him? She enjoyed the friendship they had forged thus far and didn’t want to jeopardize that or the professional relationship they had. And what to do about Josh? Would he really consider having an affair with this mystery woman? Should she confront him about what she heard last night? Julie wasn’t sure that was the best idea. He may think she had seduced him to take his mind off the “other woman” or accuse her of eavesdropping.

  Josh was absent from the bedroom when Julie entered it. She smelled coffee so she assumed he had retreated to his office, his usual spot to have his morning coffee. Julie poked through her closet carefully. After last night’s revelation of how drab her wardrobe was, she felt like she needed to shake it up a bit. Nothing she owned seemed anything more than colorless, asexual office attire. She finally chose a black skirt and a white sleeveless blouse. She could go shopping at lunch time and find some more updated outfits to fit her needs. For now, this would have to do.

  Julie examined her hair in the mirror as she was applying her make up. Perhaps a different style was in order. She had styled her hair this way for as long as she could remember. It was short, shoulder length and easy to manage. But it was lifeless with dull color and the cut did nothing to bring out the natural beauty of her face. She decided then and there, she would make an appointment to change it.

  No matter how much foundation and powder she applied to her face, the result was still a blotchy mess. See? Julie thought. This is why big girls don’t cry. It ruins their make-up. Frustrated, she decided the current state of her face would have to do. Hurrying to dry her hair, she realized she was much later than usual. She should actually be at work by now. Her phone began to buzz on her night stand. Julie glanced at the screen before answering. Maryanne. Did the woman have a sixth sense or something?

  Julie attempted to answer normally, but her voice came out raspy and horse, “Hello?” she squeaked out.

  Maryanne on the other end clicked her tongue. “You sound horrible dear. Are you sick? Are you still in bed? Why didn’t you call to tell me you weren’t coming in? Well, it’s ok, I’ll just cancel your meetings, get some rest,” Maryanne sputtered out in a long breathless ramble, while Julie tried to interject several times.

  “I’m not…” she started.

  “I’ll move your 9:00 to 3:30 tomorrow and the lunch meeting will have to go on without you. Everything else can wait. Feel better dear.” Maryanne continued.

  Julie paused. Yes, everything could wait till tomorrow. She could use today to clear her mind, figure things out. And she could do a little shopping, too. She would just leave like she was going to the hospital and spend the entire day working through her dilemma, uninterrupted.

  Julie smiled to herself as she replied to her secretary in a nasally voice, “Thanks, honey. I appreciate it.” With that, the call was disconnected and Julie was a free woman for the next 10 hours.

  Rushing downstairs, she continued to play the role of “late to work.” She opened her travel mug and filled it with coffee that she would not need to sustain her on a relaxing day. Maybe I’ll go to a spa and get a massage, she imagined happily, grabbing her purse and bag. It had been ages since she had enjoyed a massage. It was just something she never seemed to have time for anymore.

  “Bye, Josh,” she called up to him. She could hear him grumble a reply. He was still stewing over the shower incident, no doubt. Julie simply shrugged. She knew him well. He’d be over it by the time she got home from work. Oops! Not going to work today! Still smiling to herself, Julie sailed out the front door, the day ahead bursting with possibilities.

  Chapter 16

  In the car, Julie sipped her coffee from her mug, considering where to go on this beautiful 75 de
gree July morning. Once she reached the highway that she would normally take to get to work, she drove 20 miles west, to a town that she was sure she would not bump into Josh or anyone else she knew.

  Gainesville had a large outdoor mall which included several clothing boutiques, two spas and three salons. She could spend the whole day there, unburdened, unbothered. It had been forever since she spent a whole day by herself, not working, not being a wife or mother. Every day had been consumed with one or the other as long as she could remember. Even back in high school and college, Julie always kept her focus on working and study, rarely taking a break.

  As she pulled into the near empty parking lot of the mall, she felt guilt rise up in her chest. The rest of the world was at work or with their children, she thought, where she should be today. This was the emotion any self-serving activity usually evoked in Julie.

  Julie remained in the car, parked, with both hands gripping her steering wheel. “No,” she told herself firmly, “You will not beat yourself up today. You will have a nice day, by yourself. Tomorrow you will be refreshed and level headed once again.”

  Resolutely grabbing her purse, she opened the car door and stepped out into the warm sunshine. Glancing down at her two inch heels, Julie wished she had more comfortable shoes.

  “Well,” she proclaimed swinging her bag over her shoulder, “Time to do something about that!” She headed off in search of a shoe store where she could purchase a pair of flip flops. Examining the store directory, Julie soon discovered that most of the stores did not open for another hour. She decided to have breakfast at the bakery and organize her day.

  Enjoying a bagel and second cup of coffee, she studied the map of the mall. It was a huge place, much bigger than anything they had in Huntington. There were shoe stores, clothing stores, salons, restaurants; a girl could get lost amongst all the shops. Using the numbers listed for the salon, she called and made herself an appointment for a cut and color at 11 am. While she was on hold to make a massage appointment at the spa, she realized she would have to explain to Josh how she left that morning with one style and color and returned with another. Swigging down the last drops of her coffee and heading out the door to the shoe store, Julie vowed to tackle that problem later. She had all day to think about it after all. At the present time, her motto was simply “carpe diem”.

  Armed, or “footed” with a pair of comfy flip flops, Julie hit the clothing boutiques, unsure what kind of style she was looking for. Always shopping for the girls first, her closet had taken a backseat to theirs. Somehow, her style had evolved into its current humdrum state after years of neglect.

  The under worked salesgirls descended upon her as soon as she entered the first shop, eager for a commission early on a Wednesday morning. Explaining to them that she was looking to update her wardrobe, their eyes lit up, envisioning dollar signs. The salesgirls, Lara and Tara, immediately began pulling clothes off racks and mannequins, loading Julie down with the piles.

  Lara suggested clothes which were much more provocative than anything Julie was used. Tara’s picks were more along the same professional and matronly vein that Julie was accustomed to. Julie reminded herself that the point was to leave her comfort zone and branch out. Still, the clothes the other salesgirl had pick out scared her.

  An overwhelmed and conflicted Julie sat amidst the piles clothes in the dressing room, not sure whether to cry or run away. She didn’t even know where to start. Fighting her fear of change, she stripped her clothes off and began to try the outfits on. Surprisingly, she found that she loved the first few articles of clothing that Lara had chosen. She turned and admired herself in the mirror.

  “Wow,” Julie thought, “The right clothes really do make a difference. I know just the shoes to go with this outfit…” And so, she began to happily try on outfit after outfit until she realized she was dangerously close to missing her 11:00 appointment.

  Stepping back, she realized her “keep” pile was much larger than her “discard” pile. “Hmmmm,” Julie murmured. She needed to whittle down the “keep” pile a bit. Even though she had money she had stashed away in her own account, “fun” money that she never seemed to spend, it wouldn’t last all day at this rate. Julie chose her three favorite outfits and then committed to a fourth as an overjoyed Lara rang up her purchases. Squashing down her anxiety, Julie paid the exorbitant price the salesgirl announced. I never treat myself right, she reminded herself. Smiling, she left the boutique, content and satisfied.

  A few moments later, Julie plopped down in the strange stylist’s chair, slightly apprehensive. She had gone to the same stylist for the past ten years and rarely ever changed anything about her hair. It had seemed like such a good idea this morning. Staring at her familiar locks in the mirror, now she wasn’t so sure. Karina, the Portuguese hair dresser, could sense her apprehension. Assuring Julie that she would give her the cut that would be the most flattering to her face, she began snipping away at the shoulder length locks with self-assuredness. Julie shut her eyes tight and prayed she was right.

  When Julie’s new darker color and shorter bob style were revealed to her in the mirror, she knew she had made the right decision. Her reflection left her stunned. The cut had not only chopped off her straggly locks, but at least five years, too. The dark chestnut color brought out the green in her once sparkly eyes, making them a starring feature of her heart shaped face once again.

  Julie stepped out of the salon a new woman. She didn’t even think she needed a massage now. Her physical transformation had completely revitalized and reenergized her. Digging through her purse to locate her cell phone, she decided to call and cancel her massage appointment. She saw she had ten missed texts over the last hour and a half.

  “Crap!” Julie swore under her breath as she scrolled down the screen. Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex…they were all from Alex. Julie was amazed that she had been so wrapped up in herself today that she had completely forgotten about him. He was probably wondering why she had not come to work today. She quickly glanced at his text messages. The first were sexually charged in nature, but then the last few expressed concern as to why she wasn’t answering and finally, why she wasn’t at work. Julie really hoped he had not called her office looking for her. She cringed at the thought of him having a conversation with Maryanne about her. If Maryanne became suspicious, Julie knew she would be in for a tongue lashing.

  Julie hastily composed a text to Alex; Had a bad night, took the day off to rest.

  His reply came quickly. So I heard. But where are you “resting”? You’re not at home.

  Julie started to explain about her shopping day, pausing mid-sentence after a disturbing thought occurred to her. How did Alex know she wasn’t at home? He could not have called her house; she had never given him the number. Or had Maryanne?

  No, Julie dismissed the thought firmly; Maryanne would never do something like give out my home number without asking me if it was ok. Maryanne was extremely protective of her. Even if Alex had asked for it, she would have been on the phone as soon as she hung up, questioning Julie.

  Instead of wondering, Julie confronted Alex directly, How did you know I wasn’t home? As she waited for his reply, she wandered into an outdoor bistro. It smelled heavenly, and Julie was starved. She was perusing the menu when she received a text from Alex that made her drop her phone.

  I drove past your house and your car was missing, was all the text said, but it filled Julie’s head with hundreds of questions and scenarios. Why did he drive past my house? How did he know where my house was? She glanced at her watch. He should be in the middle of a shift right now, not driving around, ten miles away from the hospital. What if Josh had seen him?

  Her pulse quickening with anxiety, Julie began to compose a text with these questions but then decided instead to call him directly. He obviously was not at work, so he should be free to take her call. Exiting the bistro, she headed for a bench in a quiet, shady area. Her heart was racing and her palms were sweaty and sha
ky as she dialed Alex’s number. He answered on the second ring.

  “Hey sexy,” he purred in his seductive voice. “I thought you were avoiding me today.”

  Julie refused to be taken in by his charming ways. “How did you know where I lived?” she demanded, shouting into the mouthpiece of the phone. “And what were you thinking, driving past? I live on a cul-de-sac for heaven’s sake!” She was seething at his audacity. Didn’t he realize how risky his behavior was?

  “Well, ok, you got me,” he admitted guiltily. “I followed you home yesterday.”

  “No, that’s impossible. I left after you,” she reasoned. “How could you follow me home?” Silence on the other end. “Alex?”

  He finally responded with a sigh, “I waited around the corner and pulled out behind you when you went past.”

  Julie wrinkled up her forehead in disbelief. “Ok, that’s just really over the line, Alex,” she replied with annoyance. She looked longingly at the sandwich the woman on the next bench was eating. She couldn’t even think straight; she was so annoyed and hungry. She ignored her grumbling stomach and returned to the matter at hand. “So you left work and drove past my house this morning? What the hell? Are you trying to get yourself fired? Or raise my husband’s suspicions?” Julie’s stomach was now growling and she was becoming more unreasonable by the moment.

  “No, no, no,” Alex replied. “I’m off today from the hospital. I’m riding the rig till 2.”

  “Oh,” Julie responded quietly. Well that made more sense. She was still annoyed that he had followed her yesterday, but at least he had not left work to go stalk her. Instead he was stalking her while he worked. “Why did you drive past today?” she asked, angrily.

  “Well,” Alex responded, “I had sent you several naughty texts…” he paused for effect. Not getting any response from Julie, he continued. “And you didn’t answer so I was wondering if you were mad at me.”