All She Ever Wanted Page 10

  Julie shook her head. “No, I meant this is going a little too far for me. I lost control over my common sense. Your touch apparently makes me a little gaga in the head,” she responded.

  Alex was disappointed by her response. “You mean that you are not interested in making love to me?” His face showed his hurt. Julie bit her lip, wanting to phrase her response as delicately as possible.

  “Of course I’m interested,” she replied, touching his soft, clean shaven face. “I’d be crazy not to find you desirable.” Julie smiled. “There’s a huge difference between kissing and intimate sexual contact. Sexual contact, to me, should only exist in the presence of a relationship,” she explained. “Call me old fashioned, but it’s a value I’ve always believed in.”

  Confused, Alex asked, “So I’m not sure where we are going with this then? Wouldn’t you consider ours a relationship?” He squinted as he spoke.

  “Well,” Julie hesitated. “Not quite. I don’t really know anything about you and you don’t know much about me. If we ended up having sex, that’s a pretty serious offense to my marriage. I would want to know that we actually have something worth risking it.”

  Alex thought for a minute before he responded. “Ok, I get where you are coming from,” he replied. “But couldn’t you have mentioned that before I had this, um, problem?” He pointed toward his erection.

  “I’m sorry,” she laughed, covering her mouth with her hands. “I know it’s mean to laugh…”

  “Damn straight,” Alex responded, smiling despite his tone. “At least you can go home and get taken care of.” His face fell as he continued to speak. “Me, I go home to an empty apartment.”

  Julie instantly felt guilty, but he had proved her point with that statement. “See?” she replied, sitting next to him on the picnic table. “All I know is that your marriage ended a few years ago. I don’t know anything about it or whether you have children or even where you live for that matter.”

  Alex’s dark blue eyes became stormy as his thoughts drifted from the conversation. Julie knew she had broached a delicate subject, but she wasn’t taking this situation lightly. She needed to know who this man was who wrecked such havoc on her emotions, and libido. She felt she was a pretty good judge of character and was hoping she was not wrong about Alex. He seemed like a decent guy, persistent, but the kind of person she would like to spend time with talking to, not with her lips latched on to his.

  Alex jumped up off the table. “I’m not really comfortable talking about that yet,” he replied defensively. Julie could see it was obviously a sore spot for him. She reached her hand out to him.

  “Well you don’t have to tell me everything about your marriage. Just basic things. Her name, how you met, whether you have kids or not. If you’re not comfortable enough giving me small details, how can you be comfortable with me sexually?” she pointed out.

  Alex gave this some thought before sitting back down and answering, “That is true.” He sighed before continuing reluctantly. “Her name was Samantha. She was a teacher,” he paused for a second and looked into Julie’s eyes. She could see pain. “We didn’t have kids.”

  “Well,” Julie interjected, relieved there were no children involved. She felt guilty enough that her children could potentially be damaged by this affair; she had hated the possibility that other children could have been affected as well. “You were young when you got married,” she reasoned.

  Alex shook his head. “I should have said that we couldn’t have kids. We wanted them. We had issues that eventually…” he paused and stared off into the trees next to them. For several minutes, he didn’t speak; instead bit his bottom lip as he held back tears. After a deep sigh, he was able to finish his story.

  “We had some problems having children that actually caused the end of our marriage.” Alex looked so miserable by this revelation, that it pained Julie to have asked about it to begin with. She had experienced her own fertility issues and although a very difficult two years in her life, it had not spelled doom for her and Josh. She immediately understood his original reluctance to discuss the subject.

  “I understand what you went through. I experienced infertility myself.” She placed her hand on his arm, which he drew back. Alex stood up, once again and turned to face Julie with tears glistening in his gorgeous eyes.

  “No, Julie, you don’t understand what I went through. You think you do, but you don’t,” he snapped angrily.

  Julie recoiled from his outburst and stared at him, unable to speak.

  “I need to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He turned and stormed toward his car, leaving Julie sitting on the picnic table, alone and speechless. After she watched him drive out of the lot, she realized he was not coming back.

  “Wow, that must have been quite the ordeal for him to react like that,” Julie reflected. She could relate to his painful experience, but he greatly overreacted to her empathy. Either he had undergone major trauma or he was still in love with his wife. Julie wasn’t sure if she was equipped to deal with either. She drove home in complete silence, deep in thought about Alex and what had gone on today and whether it was too late to stop this runaway train.

  Chapter 14

  Julie returned home to a set of disappointed girls. They had missed the movie and the next showing was past their bedtime. Julie felt terrible. She had sacrificed her children’s needs for her own selfish pleasures. She quickly formulated a plan to make it up to them. Running upstairs to the bedroom, she called down to the twins, “Get your flip flops and robes, girls! We’re going to have a spa night!”

  She could hear them both cheering as they ran up the stairs behind her and into their room, on a mission to find the items. Julie kicked off her shoes and stripped down to her underwear. As she was searching for her robe in her closet, she heard her husband enter the bedroom.

  “What are you doing?” Josh asked with a concerned look on his face. “I thought you were taking them out to a movie and then dinner? I made plans with the guys.”

  “Relax, Josh,” she chided while slipping into her robe. “We’re having a spa night. I’ll be giving the girls pedicures, we’ll order in food and watch a movie.” Josh didn’t look convinced.

  “Could you make sure they stay up here?” he whined. “I didn’t expect you guys to be home, so some of the guys are coming over for a poker game.”

  Julie groaned. Knowing her husband’s poker games were a testosterone driven event, complete with beer, cursing and cigar smoking, she would be more than happy to keep the girls away.

  “No problem,” she reassured him while peaking under the bed for her left flip flop. “Just bring the food up here when it’s delivered. The girls and I can watch the movie in bed.”

  Josh had been on his way out the door and he stopped in his tracks. “Food in bed?” He leaned down and felt Julie’s forehead. “No, no,” he remarked teasingly, “You don’t feel warm…”

  Julie swiped his hand away. “I’m not feverish Josh. I just want to have a fun night with my girls,” she stated, slipping into the flip flops. The girls came bounding into the room, pigtails flying as they both landed on the bed.

  “Yeah, but eating in bed?” Josh continued. “You don’t let me eat in bed…why do they get to eat in our bed?” He gestured toward the giggling twins.

  “Oh wow!” Kaylee exclaimed. “We’re going to have a picnic in bed?”

  Julie shook her head as she pulled a blanket out of the hope chest. “No, we will have a picnic next to the bed. I haven’t completely lost my mind,” she replied, spreading the blanket on the floor. The girls continued bouncing on the bed, which was usually a big pet peeve of Julie’s, but she ignored it as she spoke to Josh. “So other than bringing us up our food, you won’t hear a peep out of us,” she assured him, pushing him out of the room and shutting the door before he could protest. She turned to the overly excited twins. “Ok girls, first thing’s first,” Julie told them, rubbing her hands together. “What do you want to eat for
our picnic?”

  “Chinese food!” Kaylee answered at the same time Molly shouted, “Pizza!” Julie groaned audibly. To get the girls to agree on food would be the first of many fights. They would probably fight over nail polish colors, who got their pedicure first and what movie to watch. For two children born at the same time, to the same parents, her girls couldn’t be more diametrically opposed. They were like the north and south poles of a magnet.

  “Ok,” Julie responded diplomatically as she held up her hand, “How about Kaylee chooses the food and Molly can pick the movie?” She grinned and nodded hopefully at them. The girls considered this arrangement.

  “What movie did you want to see?” Molly asked her sister.

  Kaylee thought for a second. “Either Cinderella or the new Tinkerbell movie.” Molly rolled her eyes at Kaylee’s response and looked up at her mother.

  “Works for me,” she replied. “I can live with Chinese food. I can’t watch those baby movies.” Kaylee made a face behind her sister’s back, but was secretly glad she won the food choice. She didn’t like pizza and most likely would be able to tolerate her sister’s movie choice. So since they had reached an agreement, Julie picked up the phone and ordered their dinner while the girls went into the bathroom to retrieve the foot spa. They emerged just as Julie hung up the phone, holding the tub, with water sloshing between them. Julie ran to their aid and carried the tub back into the bathroom.

  “No, we will do our pedicures in the bathroom,” she stated firmly. She placed the foot spa in front of the toilet and closed the toilet lid. Putting a towel on the lid, she indicated for Kaylee to sit down.

  “Why does she get to always go first?” Molly whined. “She’s your favorite.” Julie sighed. She had this discussion with Molly at least twice a week.

  The girls had been born prematurely and had what was called twin to twin transfusion syndrome, where one twin takes blood from the other in the womb. Molly was the recipient twin and was much bigger and much healthier at birth. She had been able to come home within a week of birth. Kaylee, however, was in the hospital for an additional four weeks and Julie had always felt that she had lost time with her. Feeling as if she needed to “make it up to her”, truth be told, she did tend to favor the younger twin from time to time. Molly, who was as sharp as tack, tended to pick up on the subtle favoritism and called Julie out on in it often. However, right now, Julie just wanted to relax and enjoy the night with the girls, so she simply gave Molly a stern look in hopes of quelling her protests. Molly grumbled and she sat on the edge of the tub with her arms folded across her chest in defiance. Julie ignored her tiny daughter with her huge attitude and turned on the bubbles for the foot bath. Kaylee squealed with delight as the warm water tickled her toes. Molly rolled her eyes at her sister’s excitement. Julie laughed in spite of herself. Molly was at least predictable.

  “Hey, Molly?” Julie asked, while scrubbing Kaylee’s ticklish feet with a pumice stone. “Can you grab me a towel?”

  Molly threw her hands up in disbelief. “Anything else for her majesty?” she asked while opening the linen closet for a towel. Julie chuckled to herself. Molly was her sarcastic child, always ready with a joke or a jab.

  “No, that will be all, Court Jester Molly,” Julie replied with a wink. She tapped Kaylee’s legs, signifying for her to pull them out of the water. After she dried her daughter’s feet, she emptied the water and refilled it for Molly.

  Molly’s cranky mood instantly disappeared when it was her turn, just as Julie predicted. She made her even more ecstatic when she let her pick the color the girls could paint on Julie’s toes. Molly picked a deep purple that made Julie cringe, but it was worth it to see her happy.

  As the girls finished up painting their mother’s toenails, and toes, they heard a tap at the door. Josh entered with a large, greasy, brown bag and three forks.

  “Chineeeee food here!” he called in a horrible accent. Julie knew he was proud of himself for remembering to bring them forks. That’s why she hated to tell him that the girls had both gotten soup and also needed spoons. And drinks. And she really needed an adult beverage.

  Josh threw his arms up in defeat. Julie laughed and followed her grumbling spouse downstairs to get the girls juice boxes and to fill a glass of wine for herself. Fortunately, only one of Josh’s poker buddies had arrived so far. He was on his cell begging his wife to bring him money, so Julie was able to dash back upstairs unseen.

  The girls were laying on their bellies, slurping their soup directly from the cartons. They waved their hands in the air for their juice boxes when they saw their mother.

  “Girls!” Julie scolded, half-heartedly, “I got spoons for your soup.” She tossed the spoons on the blanket next to the girls and sat down cross legged, reaching for her carton of Moo Shu Pork. She followed the girls’ gaze up to the TV. An episode of a teenager show was on. Julie, of course, did not think the show was appropriate at all for six year olds and quickly changed the channel.

  “Hey!” Molly shouted. “We were watching that! You said I could pick what we watch!”

  “It’s not a show for little girls. Why did you turn that on?” Julie inquired, scrolling through the channel guide to find an age appropriate movie.

  Kaylee quickly piped up to throw her father under the bus., “Daddy lets us watch it all the time.”

  “Uh, oh,” Molly muttered under her breath.

  Julie did not comment. Instead, she pretended not to hear and pointed out a movie she knew they both liked. They all settled back against the footboard of the bed and Julie wrapped an arm around each daughter.

  As the animated movie droned on, Julie’s thoughts drifted once again to Alex and what had happened that afternoon in the picnic grove. He had reacted so unlike his normal calm self. Julie wondered what had actually transpired that rendered his marriage unfixable. She knew from firsthand experience that not being able to conceive when you wanted a child more than anything else was heart wrenching. To not know what the future held for you was frustrating and maddening when you felt powerless. The experience of fertility treatments or a complicated pregnancy could also take a toll on a relationship. She had been drugged up on hormone shots and was very emotionally unpredictable. Through it all, Josh had stayed supportive and even though they definitely had their moments of coming to a breaking point, she was almost grateful for the experience. It had ultimately brought them closer together and they were more thankful for the gifts they had been blessed with, Molly and Kaylee. At this point in her life, she would not have it any other way, but she could understand how painful it might be for someone who had not experienced the same end result.

  Although the movie was not yet over, Kaylee had slumped up against her mother’s side, snoring softly in her sleep. Molly was fighting to keep her eyes open, but Julie could tell she would lose that battle within minutes. She lifted Kaylee up and with her finger on her lips, shushed Molly who was beginning to protest. Julie carried Kaylee to her bed and tucked her in. By the time she returned to the bedroom, Molly was curled up in a ball, fast asleep. Julie repeated the process with her other daughter. After she tucked her into bed, Julie pushed a lock of hair off of Molly’s forehead and kissed her gently.

  “I love you both the same, my little love,” she whispered. Bending over the other bed, she kissed Kaylee’s cheek and quietly shut the door.

  Julie headed back to her own bedroom and closed the door behind her. After picking off the few bits of rice that had gone astray on the blanket, she picked it up and dumped it in the hamper. She threw the containers and juice boxes back in the brown bag and then flopped down on the bed with the remote.

  She didn’t often watch the TV in the bedroom, but she certainly didn’t want to wander downstairs and get caught amongst the testosterone. She could hear the sounds of her husband’s buddies laughing and every once in a while, shouting about what hand beats what. Flipping through the channels, Julie soon realized there was nothing on that interested her. She also
discovered with dismay that her wine glass was empty.

  “Damn,” she scolded herself, “Why didn’t I bring the whole bottle up here?” Glancing over at the clock she saw it was only 8:30. Too soon for bed, even for an early riser like herself. Julie sighed and reluctantly hoisted herself off the bed. She might as well get another glass of wine and a snack. “What was that they said about Chinese food?” she mumbled, opening her bedroom door. “Oh, yeah, you’re hungry an hour later. Certainly the truth.”

  Or you’re just going to eat and drink out of boredom, she thought silently. “Bored” was not something Julie often experienced. She was meticulously efficient and constantly multitasking, so she that she would not be wasting even a second of her day. That left little room for boredom.

  Julie tip-toed down the back set of steps to the kitchen, not wanting to walk through the living room and interrupt the game. After entering the kitchen, she opened the fridge to retrieve her wine bottle. The living room was quiet, so Julie assumed the men were in the middle of an intense hand. Climbing back up the stairs, Julie saw that the hall window over the patio was open. Placing her bottle of wine on the next stair, she reached up to close the window. The smell of cigar smoke wafted up and assaulted Julie’s nostrils. She realized the men were not in the living room at all, rather, they were smoking cigars on the patio in the back yard. She could now hear them boisterously teasing one of the guys about a woman. Since all the men were married, Julie assumed the guy either had a harmless crush on someone or he was having an affair.

  “I’m telling you, dude, she is HOT, HOT, HOT!” Julie could hear Josh’s friend Dave slurring. Dave was one of his college buddies who much to Julie’s dismay, had stuck around for the long haul. He had been married twice and divorced once. Dave was in a constant state of inebriation and, according to Josh, was a relentless womanizer. It sounded to Julie that he was up to his usual tricks and possibly on his way to divorce number two.

  As Julie began to close the window, she could hear Dave continue. “I’m telling you, you should hit that while you can. Your wife ain’t around all day and with the kids in camp…dude!” Dave was saying.