All She Ever Wanted Page 5

  “Another night, maybe,” Josh continued. “It’s stupid to add a baseball game on top of this busy day. The girls would never be able to handle it and all I want to do is take a shower and go to bed.”

  Julie was furious. “Fine, whatever,” she snapped.

  “What is your problem?” Josh questioned, glancing over at her as she shoved the tickets back in her purse. Realizing his mistake at once, Josh tried to redeem himself. “Oh Julie, you have tickets already? I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, of course we’ll go.” Glancing in the rearview mirror at the girls, he enlisted their help. “It’ll be great fun, right girls?” Even at age 6, Molly and Kaylee could take a hint.

  “Yeah! We can’t wait, right Kaylee?” Molly chimed in immediately.

  “Um, hmm,” Kaylee responded, less enthusiastically than her sister.

  Julie was still fuming from Josh’s rejection of her gift and would not be placated. “Forget Josh. You’re tired. The girls are going to end up cranky. You’re right; it was a stupid idea anyway.” Julie crossed her arms and began to sulk.

  Josh touched her arm gently. “No it wasn’t, I spoke too soon. What time is the game? Maybe we can get there in time for batting practice?” Josh queried, hopefully.

  Julie did not want him to change his mind just to make her happy. She had wanted him to love his gift without being coerced into it. Nothing he could say would make up for the fact her surprise had fallen flat. She turned to her husband and gave him an icy stare. “I said forget it. Let’s just go home and call it a night.”

  Josh had known his wife long enough to know the situation was ripe for a fight, yet he was still trying his best to turn it around. “No way, lady,” he replied in a comedic voice. “We’ve got Cubs tickets, we’re going to a Cubs game.” He veered the car on to the exit for the stadium.

  “Josh,” Julie growled angrily, “Turn this damn car around and get back on the highway.”

  Josh looked at her and laughed. “Well, that would be silly, Julie. The exit is one way,” Josh joked.

  Julie was not amused or in the mood for his kidding. “Josh, this is not funny. I want to go home. Now.”

  Josh just stared straight ahead maneuvering through the traffic, trying not to lose his patience with his wife. “Julie, you sound like a spoiled brat. Just shut up and try not to act like a bitch for once,” he replied angrily.

  Julie sucked in her breath. She absolutely hated when Josh used that word, especially in front of the girls. “Oh,” she remarked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m a bitch now?” Smirking, she removed the game tickets from her purse. “No problem. I guess a bitch would definitely do this.” She began ripping up the tickets as she spoke.

  Josh pulled the car over to the shoulder and stared at her in disbelief. “What the hell has gotten into you Julie? Why would you do something that mean?” He asked with an injured and confused expression.

  Julie instantly felt remorse for wounding him, but she was hurt about his initial reaction to her gift she had put so much thought into. She wasn’t ready to let that go yet, so she continued to play her role of the angry wife.

  “Because,” she pointed out. “Now you have no choice but to take us home.”

  Josh stared at his wife sadly for a moment before shifting the car into drive. He headed back toward the highway, silently. Julie stared out the window, torn between apologizing and holding a grudge. Even Molly and Kaylee sat wordlessly in the backseat, aware of their parents’ discord. The family continued the twenty minute drive home without a single word. After they pulled into the driveway and parked, the girls hopped out, relieved to be out of the tension filled car.

  Julie was tempted to make peace with Josh. She grabbed his arm as he attempted to get out of the car. “Listen, Josh. I don’t know what happened back there,” she stated, looking at him sheepishly. “You know I hate that word. It puts me over the edge.”

  Josh shook off Julie’s grasp. “Skip it,” he responded as he climbed out and slammed the door behind him. Stunned, Julie sat alone in the car. She understood Josh had every right to be angry at her for ruining his Father’s Day, but she was trying to extend an olive branch and he was rejecting that too? First her gift, then her apology?

  Climbing out of the car, she slammed her door shut with anger. Josh and the girls were already in the house. Julie stormed to the front door, only to find it was locked. Furious, she dug through her purse looking for the keys. Realizing the keys were most likely on her dresser, she grabbed her cell phone and pushed the button to dial Home.

  “Yes?” Josh answered sweetly after the third ring.

  “Really mature, Josh,” Julie barked into the phone. “Can you please let me in? I don’t have my keys.”

  “Hmmm,” Josh considered this for a moment. “Probably not. You see, this is a bitch free zone and you’re not meeting the criteria tonight. So sorry.”

  “I told you I was sorry and you blew me off,” Julie yelled into the phone, feeling her blood boil.

  “See, there you go again, turning it around and blaming me,” Josh pointed out. “And no you actually never said you were sorry. You never uttered those words at all.”

  “Fine,” Julie responded through clenched teeth. “I’m sorry. Can you please open the door so we can talk about this?”

  “What are you sorry for, exactly?” Josh inquired, obviously enjoying having the upper hand for once. Julie peaked through the living room window. She could see him leaning against the banister with an amused smile on his face. The drizzle had picked up to a steady rainfall and since their front porch did not have a roof, Julie was getting drenched.

  Sighing with resignation, she replied, “I’m sorry for acting like a spoiled brat in the car. I’m sorry for ruining your Father’s Day. I really feel awful about it.”

  “Are you sorry for acting like a bitch and tearing up my present?” Josh asked. “I want you to tell me you’re sorry for being a bitch.”

  Biting her lip, Julie replied, “Yes, yes, I’m sorry for being a bitch. Now can you please let me in? It’s pouring!” She was now pleading; completely at his mercy.

  Through the window she could see Josh smiling as he ended the call and took his time sauntering over to the front door. The steady rainfall was dripping from Julie’s hair, trickling into her eyes.

  Josh smirked as he opened the front door. “Gee, you should come into the house instead of standing out there on the front porch in the rain,” he remarked cheerily.

  Julie narrowed her eyes at him as she entered the house. Vowing to let it go and just let him have his fun at her expense, she began climbing the stairs to peel herself out of her wet clothes. To her dismay, Josh was on her heels. The last thing Julie wanted right now was to continue this conversation. She was keeping herself in check and not snapping back at him, but she didn’t know how long she could keep up her calm composure, especially if he continued to follow her to the bedroom.

  Julie stepped into the bedroom and sure enough, Josh followed. “It was a nice thought though,” Josh was saying. “The game, that is.” He closed the bedroom door behind them. Julie instantly felt claustrophobic.

  Oh, he cannot be serious, she thought with aggravation. Closing the bedroom door meant one thing. Josh was looking for sex.

  “Too bad it didn’t work out,” Josh continued coyly. “Maybe you could, um, make it up to me.”

  Julie grunted as she pulled off her rain soaked shirt. “It would have been a rain delay anyway,” she remarked dryly, gesturing to her wet clothing.

  Josh smiled as she removed her shorts and threw himself on the bed. “You look very wet,” he noted. “Why don’t you come over here and let me help you dry off?” He patted the spot next to him on the bed.

  “You’ll dry me off all right,” Julie mumbled under her breath, walking into the bathroom to retrieve a towel.

  “What?” Josh called. “I couldn’t hear you. What did you say?”

  Relieved he had not picked up on her sarcasm, Julie called back
, “Nothing! I just said I’ll get a towel to dry off with!” She reached for the towel on the rack and wrapped it around herself. She removed her shorts and tossed them into the tub. Turning around to head back to the bedroom, she smacked right into her husband who had followed her into the bathroom. He grabbed her arms and kissed her roughly on the mouth, his idea of foreplay. Julie resigned herself to the fact that she was probably not getting out of this bathroom without a fight or sex.

  Suddenly, a voice from the bedroom called, “Mommy?” Josh dropped his hands and backed up, pretending to look in the cabinet. Thank goodness for nosy little children, Julie thought with relief. Molly poked her head into the bathroom. “What’s the matter, honey?” Julie asked, tightening her towel.

  “Kaylee threw up,” Molly stated, matter-of-factly.

  “Oh, damn,” Julie groaned. This was not exactly the relief she was hoping for. “Where is she throwing up?”

  “Downstairs, in the kitchen,” Molly replied as walked out the bedroom door, duty complete.

  Julie rushed to the bedroom and started searching through her drawers for clothes.

  “Josh, could you go see about that while I throw some clothes on?” she begged as he left the bedroom.

  Josh held his hands up. “No way. Puke is your department. I don’t do puke,” he responded, heading downstairs into the office.

  “Thanks,” Julie grumbled, pulling her shorts on and reaching into her closet for a pair of flip flops. She could hear Kaylee retching in the kitchen.

  “Coming, honey!” Julie called grabbing a tank top. Would it kill Josh to help out with the kids when they were throwing up? That was always his excuse; vomiting made him vomit. He never dealt with the girls when they were sick. Somehow that had been permanently assigned to Julie.

  Dashing into the kitchen, Julie found Kaylee huddled over the garbage can. Molly also was nowhere in sight. She was not the nurturing type at all and had no patience for her sister when she was sick. She was exactly like her father in that respect. Kaylee, however, was very sensitive and loving to everyone, sick or well. She was always ready to help out and take care of sick birds, cats, dogs or anything else she felt needed a hug or a home. Now the poor lovey was sick herself.

  Julie rubbed Kaylee’s back, thankful she had gotten all the vomit in the garbage can. Kaylee turned to her mother with a sad expression and whimpered, “I throwed up.”

  “I know, honey,” Julie replied as she wiped her daughter’s face with a wet wipe. “Do you think you’re done throwing up?” she asked gently. Kaylee’s head bobbed up and down affirmatively. “Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.” Julie pressed her cheek to the little girl’s forehead as she picked her up. She wasn’t warm, so most likely it was just something she ate, paired with a 45 minute car ride and anxiety over her parents fighting, Julie rationalized. She would hate to be up all night with a sick child and have to call out of work. I would miss my coffee date with Alex.

  Julie halted mid step. Did I really just think that? She shifted Kaylee’s weight to her other hip. Kaylee just lay there, limp as a rag doll. She wasn’t often sick, but when she was, she enjoyed being babied.

  Julie carried Kaylee into the girls’ bathroom, put her daughter down on the closed toilet and turned the tub on for a bath. After helping Kaylee undress and climb into the tub, her thoughts turned back to Alex and their date. It was supposed to be nothing more than her giving him information to help him improve his nursing skills. A training session of sorts. She was simply helping a fellow nurse in his career.

  Then why do you feel so guilty about it? Julie implored of herself. She was troubled by the answer. Secretly, she was looking forward to the meeting, not because she was helping a novice nurse professionally, but because she enjoyed Alex Peyton’s presence more than she should. It worried her that the reason she felt so crazed and out of control around him was because she was attracted to him. The way he acted led her to believe he was attracted to her, too.

  I shouldn’t even be thinking like that, she mused, soaping up her daughter’s hair. It didn’t matter if either of them were attracted to the other, she loved Josh and she was Alex’s boss. The meeting was nothing to feel guilty about because there was nothing inappropriate happening. Furthermore, she shouldn’t even be thinking of work when she should be taking care of her child who wasn’t feeling well. The very child who was screaming that the bath water was too cold.

  Julie snapped back to reality. “Oh Lee Lee, I’m so sorry!” Julie cried, turning the cold water off and adding more hot. Julie criticized herself firmly, What kind of mother am I? Not even paying to my kid in the bath of all places!

  Vowing to not think of anything except exactly what she was supposed to be doing at the present time, she rinsed Kaylee’s hair. No more day dreaming; no more thinking about work or Alex Peyton.

  Molly wandered into the bathroom as Kaylee stepped out of the tub, munching on a cookie. “What’s with her?” she inquired, between bites.

  “Well you’re sympathetic,” Julie scoffed, toweling Kaylee off. “She probably ate something that didn’t agree with her. Where did you get that cookie?”

  Molly shrugged as the melted chocolate ran down her hand. “Daddy said I could have a snack before bed.” Julie put her head in her hands and sighed. It was hopeless trying to preach good nutrition to the girls when Josh let them eat whatever they wanted. Julie patted Molly on the head.

  “Just remember to wash your hands and brush your teeth before bed, ok?” she reminded her daughter. They were children after all. What was childhood without a little indulgence every now and then?

  Julie certainly did not remember what it felt like to be a carefree, indulgent child. Sure, when she was six years old, she was like any other child. She went to school, took dance classes at Madame Francine’s dance studio and played outdoors with her friends. She dreamt of being a doctor one day, a teacher the next and a movie star the following day. But the memories of her blissful childhood no longer existed in Julie’s mind. They were eclipsed by memories of pain and heartache.

  Her mother had battled breast cancer for nearly five years before succumbing to it. Almost every happy childhood memory she did have was overshadowed by a memory of her mother’s illness. Julie’s brothers, 8 and 5 years older than her, had been in high school when their mother discovered the lump in her breast that was ultimately responsible for her demise. The boys had their own lives, and friends with cars, so they had no difficulty escaping the infirmary that the house became. Julie’s father was a pilot for a major airline, often gone for days at a time, so 9 year old Julie was often left to care for her ailing mother, Janice.

  At first, Julie found spending so much time with her mother, fun. She dutifully helped her with the housework and occasionally fetched things from the corner store. When Janice was feeling really badly, sometimes she let Julie stay home from school to take care of her. With more good days than bad in the beginning, Julie and Janice would take leisurely walks together to the park on nice days. As her mother pushed her on the swing, she would tell her stories about when she was a little girl and her parents owned a working farm in Georgia. Janice had worked for a vet’s office and being around animals her whole life, she had hoped to someday go back to school and become a vet herself. She had hopes and dreams that she shared with Julie, her only girl. On those days, Julie felt special and enjoyed the bond her mother forged with her.

  As the cancer progressed and the treatment became more aggressive, they skipped the walks and sat outside on the front porch swing instead. Julie would read to her mother for hours as Janice stroked her hair. Over time, as the cancer spread to other organs, Janice began to lose strength, and even the short trip to the porch became too taxing on her.

  By the time she was a pre-teen, Julie had become accustomed to cleaning up vomit and blood. She knew what medicines were to be taken at which time and what side effects they had on her mother. She bathed her mother, cooked for her mother and made sure her mothe
r got to her doctor’s appointments on time. She slowly became the mother as Janice unwillingly sank into the role of the child.

  Julie would rush home from school each day only to pause when she reached the front door, dreading entering the house. It broke her heart seeing her once beautiful, strong and energetic mother in so much pain, a shell of the woman she had once been. The woman whose hopes and dreams would never be realized.

  In the last few months of her life, Janice spent much of the time drifting in and out of consciousness, moaning in pain. Julie was a compassionate and patient daughter, never leaving her mother’s side even in the darkest hours. Her father hired a full time nurse for when he was traveling, who offered relief to Julie, which she refused. Holding her mother’s hand through each harrowing night, she prayed for the first time in her life. She prayed for the end to come soon, so her mother could finally have peace. Julie prayed for the end to come so she could have peace. Julie could not bear to witness her mother to feel so much pain and suffering anymore.

  When the end finally did arrive, Julie realized despite wishing for it, she was not emotionally ready for it. She was walking home from school on a brisk day in October, picking up fallen leaves that she knew her mother would have loved at one time. Janice had adored the autumn with its changing colors and crisp smells in the air. Julie was bringing the leaves home anyway, in case her mother had moments of lucidity that evening. As she neared their house, she saw her father’s car in the driveway. Her oldest brother Chris’s car was also there, which was not completely usual, but Julie’s heart sank anyway. Instantly, she knew something was wrong. Her pulse began to quicken as she started up the front walk to the house.

  “Please, God,” she had prayed out loud. “Please let her be alive, I need to say goodbye.”

  Entering the living room, Julie saw her father and brothers sitting on the couch with the pastor from the local church standing over them. Her father, Chris and the pastor’s heads were bowed in prayer while her brother James stared motionless, straight ahead at a picture on the wall. She could see her father had tears in the corner of his eyes. He had never, as far as Julie knew, cried in his life. With these clues, she knew that she was too late to say goodbye.