All She Ever Wanted Page 16

  Josh sank down on the bed. “Yeah ok, I admit, she’s attractive but that doesn’t mean anything. What am I guilty of? Finding another woman attractive? That’s hardly fair.”

  Julie put her arm over her eyes to block out the light that was starting to bother her head. “No, it doesn’t make you guilty,” she replied in a condescending tone. “But you having her over here when nobody else is home does.” Bolting up quickly, a thought occurred. “Oh you didn’t have sex with her on my bed did you?” she asked disgustedly.

  “Julie!” Josh yelped as he jumped up, shocked. “I did not have sex with her anywhere! I don’t know what gave you that idea.” He sat back down on the bed. “Just because I find a woman attractive doesn’t mean I’m banging her,” he continued defensively.

  Julie glared at him, “Then what was she doing in the house today, huh? You have to admit that it’s awfully suspicious that you have the hots for a woman and she was in our house with you alone and you never mentioned it to me,” Julie pointed out. “Well honestly I haven’t spoken to you at all today. The first time I saw you since you left this morning was at Lori and Don’s house. I’m sorry but I didn’t find it relevant to mention. Next time I have a female friend over, I’ll have her swipe a card as she enters and exits,” Josh finished sarcastically.

  “It just seems like you are hiding things from me, Josh,” Julie replied, getting up and going into the bathroom to retrieve an aspirin. Josh followed her, still defending himself.

  “I’m really hurt that you would think I would cheat on you,” he announced, standing behind her as she rummaged through the medicine cabinet. She found the bottle she was looking for and turned to face him.

  “Oh really?” she implored, sarcastically, “You mean to tell me, if nobody ever found out you wouldn’t, to quote the great Dave, ‘hit that’?” Julie emphasized Dave’s words with air quotes.

  Josh took her by the shoulders and gazed into her eyes. “No, Julie, not even if nobody ever found out. I love you. I made a commitment to you and I would never break that. I’m not that type of person,” Josh replied firmly. “I thought you knew me well enough to believe that,” he added with a hurt tone.

  Julie could tell by his eyes he was telling her the truth. She suddenly felt very warm and uncomfortable. If he had not cheated on her, what she had done that afternoon was completely out of line and unacceptable. Not that cheating on a spouse was ever acceptable by any standards, but she had been under the impression that he was also having an affair. She had felt justified in sleeping with Alex when she was under the impression that Josh was doing the exact same thing.

  Tears began to fall from Julie’s eyes as she became helpless to control them. What a horrible act she had committed! Today had been a mistake from the moment she had woken up. She would have given anything to erase this whole day from her memory and start over with a clean slate in the morning. But, she realized, it was impossible. What’s done is done and she needed to own up to her sins. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the emotions in turmoil. Whatever the reason, she would wonder later on why she had done what she did next, in such a rash fashion. Looking back afterwards, she recognized that it had been a grave mistake.

  “Josh,” Julie murmured quietly. “I need to talk to you.” She took his hand and led him back to the bedroom.

  “I don’t know what else I can say to get you to believe me,” Josh pleaded, believing she wanted to grill him further about Lori.

  “No, it’s not that,” Julie replied sitting back down on the bed. Her head was beginning to pound as she was sobering up quickly. She patted the bed beside her. Josh obediently sat but appeared skeptical.

  “I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Work has been unpleasant and I’m really starting to regret taking this position,” Julie began to explain. Josh shot her a “told you so” look, but Julie shook her head and continued. “That’s not all. I was also feeling like you didn’t love me anymore.” Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Julie put her finger to his lips. “Let me finish,” she requested. “I don’t know if it was the dissatisfaction with my career or my lack of attention from you…” Again Josh opened his mouth to interject.

  “That’s hardly a fair accusation, Julie,” he exclaimed defensively. “You’re the one who’s never around.”

  “Yes,” Julie replied. “I know. I’m the cause of it. It goes back to the job. But it’s a combination of those things that has led me to this point.”

  Puzzled, Josh responded, “What point? Where you make a fool of us in front of neighbors?”

  Julie paused introspectively before speaking. This was it. She was going to admit to Josh what had been going on between her and Alex. Would he forgive her? At this moment, all she cared about was getting this off her chest so maybe her husband could understand her again. At one time, they were so in sync, completely aware of each other and knew when the other was hurting. Now, their lives were completely out of step. Josh was clueless about her life and she had jumped to the conclusion that he was having an affair just based on her own guilty conscience. They were not the same couple who stood at the altar and pledged undying love for each other eleven years prior. They were a shell of this former relationship; their once unified being had become two different people, branching off in different directions. Julie hoped it was not too late to bring them back on track together.

  “Josh, I’ve made a huge mistake,” she announced, pulling her leg up on the bed so that she could face him. “I did something that I never thought I would be capable of or even thought I would want to do.” Josh’s face showed concern, but he took Julie’s hand in support.

  “Ok, you can tell me anything. I will understand,” Josh responded softly.

  Taking another deep breath Julie replied, “There’s a new nurse at work and we’ve been getting friendly, getting to know each other, you know, texting and having lunch together and that sort of thing.” She paused to gauge Josh’s reaction. So far he was simply nodding with comprehension. Perhaps she had underestimated him; maybe he would understand. “So one thing kind of led to another and we ended up fooling around a couple of times…” she drifted off and glanced back up at Josh. Strangely, he was still nodding, even smiling a bit. “Anyway, I didn’t go to work today and we ended up sleeping together.” She winced at the last part and closed her eyes with embarrassment. She waited for Josh to start yelling or for him to get up and leave the room, but instead he was laughing hysterically. A stunned Julie opened her eyes to stare at her husband.

  “Why is this funny?” she asked, incredulously. To be understanding was one thing, but she certainly had not expected him to make a joke out of adultery.

  Josh patted her knee. “Gee I thought you were going to tell me something horrible. Hey it’s fine. I mean I would have preferred if you had let me watch but, damn! I’ve been fantasizing about that for years!” Still chuckling, Josh leaned in and kissed his puzzled wife on the lips. “I’ll forgive you on one condition.” Julie continued to stare at him in disbelief. “I get to meet her.”

  It abruptly became very clear to Julie what had happened. She had only referred to Alex as a “nurse” and Josh had automatically assumed it was a woman. He was taking it rather well and why not, considering he didn’t feel threatened by a woman.

  Julie realized she had a decision to make immediately. She could be 100% honest with her husband right now and explain that Alex was actually a man and potentially devastate her marriage; or she could stay quiet about Alex’s identity and allow Josh to believe that it was a woman. Was it lying if she didn’t correct him? After all, she admitted to the affair. He had made an assumption. Just as she had made the assumption Alex was divorced.

  Julie assessed the situation. Confessing had been a hasty, drunken reaction. She hadn’t thought it through. It probably would crush Josh to know she had slept with another man. Perhaps, it was best to let him believe what he wanted and not correct him. She wasn’t planning to continue the affair, so it would be
a mistake in the past. Julie decided to play along. Alex could even be a woman’s name. As long as she never said “him” or “he”, she could potentially get away with this. She had eased her guilt by admitting it and now Josh was ok with it, thinking it was a female nurse.

  “I’m really embarrassed by the whole thing, Josh,” she replied, lowering her eyes to display her humiliation. “I’d rather just not talk about it.”

  Josh pouted. “Awww come on Julie! This is so hot! I want details.” He bounced on the bed like a little boy.

  Julie climbed under the covers with fake exasperation. “No you don’t Josh. It’s over and done with. It’s never going to happen again. I want to tell you so we don’t have secrets. I am very sorry it happened and I’d like to just leave it in the past and forget it.” Leaning over, she kissed him on the forehead. “I really need to get to sleep. I’m going to have a ton of work to catch up on tomorrow.” Julie lay back onto her pillow and turned on her right side, hoping Josh would drop it tonight. She had no more energy for this roller coaster ride today.

  Josh got up and went over to his side of the bed to climb in. “Ok, it’s been a long day. But we’re going to have to at least discuss this tomorrow,” he remarked sternly.

  “Of course,” Julie replied, thankful that she was finally going to get to go to sleep. Josh kissed the back of her head.

  “Pleasant dreams,” he whispered. “Hey, if you dream about your nurse friend can you at least put me in the dream?” He snickered. Julie sighed. She was going to take a lot of teasing with this one, but it was better than Josh knowing the whole truth and it tearing them apart.

  “Of course. Good night.” Julie replied. Josh rolled over onto his back and tucked his hands under his head. As he stared up at the ceiling, he murmured to Julie. “What’s the nurse’s name at least?” he asked.

  Julie replied without moving, “Alex.” Julie’s body seized up with fear. Would he question it?

  “That’s kind of hot. Like a man almost,” he finally replied.

  “Yes,” was her only response.

  Chapter 21

  The following morning, Julie awoke determined to get through the day without having to deal with Alex. Rushing through her morning routine and skipping her run, she was able to get to work more than a half hour early. In addition to Maryanne’s shocked expression when she arrived to find Julie already working, it was worth it to avoid bumping into Alex. Getting over him would be difficult, but it would be a whole lot less painful if she didn’t have to face him.

  Focused on the mountains of paperwork she had fallen behind on over the past few weeks of being distracted by steamy conversations, she was able to remain in the office all morning. She started off by ignoring his constant texts, but it became so frustrating that she had to put the phone on silent and shove it in her desk drawer. After making a hefty dent in her paperwork, she started thinking about how much more productive she would be if she ignored her texts and calls on a daily basis. She couldn’t believe how far behind she had gotten in just a few short weeks.

  While she was staring blankly at her computer screen, pondering that thought, she was jolted by the sound of knocking on her door. “Come in!’ she called out, assuming it was Maryanne. In stepped Alex, chart in hand. He quickly shut the door behind him, but not before Julie saw that Maryanne was not at her desk. Damn it, she thought, glancing at her watch. It was lunchtime and she had probably stepped away to get something to eat. It’s odd that she wouldn’t ask me if I wanted anything, though.

  Dismissing that thought, she addressed her guest. “Alex,” she stated pointedly, rising from her chair. “You really can’t be here. Maryanne will be back any minute…”

  “No she won’t,” Alex replied with a confidant grin. “She’s waiting for AAA. She’s got a flat tire. The security guard just buzzed up to let her know.” He sat on the edge of Julie’s desk chuckling.

  Julie stared open mouthed at Alex. “You didn’t…” she accused, but was unable to finish her sentence.

  Alex feigned a hurt expression. “Me?” he gasped. “I have no idea how that happened.” He winked at Julie as he hopped on to her desk.

  “Alex, she’s 56 years old and you’re letting air out of her tires? What the hell? Are you 12?” Julie replied with extreme agitation.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, with the same cat that ate the bird grin.

  Julie shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. “Why are you here, Alex?” she asked.

  “Well, you haven’t answered me all day. I was worried something was wrong,” he responded with a wounded tone.

  Julie kept her eyes closed, feeling a migraine creeping up, and replied, “I’m busy today, Alex.”

  Alex jumped down and walked around the desk to where Julie was standing with her eyes closed. He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his lips into her neck. Julie jumped and pushed him back. “Stop it,” she commanded.

  “What?” he questioned. “I can’t kiss my girl?”

  Julie sucked in her breath. This was going to be difficult, but she needed to remain adamant. Alex was going to have to leave before he broke her resolve. Julie marched to the door and held it open. “I’m not your girl, Alex. And this is not an appropriate place for this conversation. I will call you at my earliest convenience,” she replied briskly.

  Alex joined Julie by the door. He glanced out in the deserted hall before grabbing her by the waist and kissing her forcefully on her open mouth. Julie, shocked, became powerless to repel him. She allowed him to kiss her, not fighting him off. As she stood, almost limp in his arms, feeling his lips on hers, her body felt hot, like it was on fire. Unable to resist this man, she wanted to kiss him, she wanted to touch him. It took all her willpower not to wrap her arms around him and be consumed by his passion.

  It took willpower and the sound of the elevator opening. Julie backed up and pushed Alex away, just as Maryanne stepped off the elevator, grumbling and shaking her head. Looking up, she was startled to see Julie and Alex in front of the office door. Her detective eyes darted immediately to Julie’s disheveled blouse and then back up to Julie’s guilty eyes.

  “Al…, Mr. Peyton was dropping something off for me…” Julie stammered. On cue, Alex handed her the chart he was holding. “He was just leaving.”

  “Good,” Maryanne replied, tight lipped. She gave Alex an icy stare as he retreated back down the hallway towards the elevator. He waved at the women as he stepped on to the elevator and was out of sight.

  Maryanne, who had watched his departure with a stony expression, turned to Julie accusingly and shoved her into her office. She shut the door and pointed to Julie’s chair. “Sit,” she barked.

  Maryanne did not often get angry, but Julie knew that when she did, it was best not to argue or put up a fight. Julie sat obediently. Maryanne leaned over Julie’s desk and stared straight into her eyes as she growled. “You better tell me what you’re up to and don’t even think about lying to me.”

  “Up to?” Julie squeaked.

  “Let me be clear,” Maryanne replied leaning closer to Julie’s face. “Tell me what that boy was doing here or I’ll be on the phone with Josh quicker than you can say divorce. I’m not fooling around, my dear.”

  Julie sighed and covered her eyes. “Ok, ok, I’ll tell you,” she responded with exasperation. “But you don’t need to call Josh. He already knows.”

  Maryanne looked at her sternly. “What does he know?”

  Julie slumped forward on to her desk. “He already knows about Alex.” Theoretically, Julie reminded herself, Josh didn’t know that was Alex.

  Maryanne pulled a chair up to Julie’s desk and sat down. “He knows about that extremely handsome employee flirting with his wife?” she questioned.

  Julie slumped back in her chair. She knew the grilling from her pseudo mother would last awhile, so she might as well get comfortable. “Well, it started off with flirting…”

  Maryanne interjected, “St
arted off? That means it’s become more than flirting.”

  “Yes,” Julie sighed. “It escalated to touching and then kissing and then…” she paused, avoiding Maryanne’s eyes. “Before I knew it we were having an affair.” Julie felt nauseous saying the word out loud. Had she really been having an affair? It had just been harmless fooling around. How had it gotten so out of hand and become an affair?

  Maryanne leaned forward and spoke, “Look at me, Julie,” she ordered.

  Julie didn’t want to. Maryanne was like a mother to her. Like any child, the thought of disappointing her parent was overwhelming to her. Maryanne’s approval meant the world to her and she knew her behavior would not be pleasing to Maryanne at all. Not only would Maryanne disapprove of Julie’s lying and sneaking, Maryanne’s own marriage had unraveled because her husband was having an affair with his secretary. Years after her marriage ended, Maryanne had been able to joke how cliché the whole thing had been, but right now, Julie had a feeling she had opened the wound her dear friend had struggled for years to heal.

  Julie looked up reluctantly. Maryanne’s stern face had given way to a somber expression filled with hurt. “Did you sleep with that man?” she asked quietly. Julie nodded, aware of the tears forming in Maryanne’s eyes. Maryanne shook her head and sat back in the chair. “Oh, Julie,” was all she could say.

  Both women were silent for several minutes as they focused on different points on the wall. Neither wanted to look at each other; Julie, because she didn’t want to see the hurt and disappointment in Maryanne’s eyes, and Maryanne, because she felt betrayed by her closest friend. She knew it was ridiculous. Julie had not cheated on her, but she felt betrayed because Julie had not only been unable to confide in her, she had done the one thing Maryanne could not tolerate. She had been cheated on and lied to for almost ten years. Julie had been there for her every step of the crumbling marriage. She couldn’t understand how Julie could forget how painful that had been.